What to do if she looks unhappy

Most men have an intense fear of a woman crying. I had shared here before how a police officer pulled me over for being on the phone but then panicked and hastily let me go when he found me crying over the phone.

Husbands, on the other hand, generally love peace at home, at whatever cost. Now, an angry wife is likely to cry and bring on a full Armageddon type of war.

A happy wife is a happy husband, so gentlemen, if you desire peace and smiles at home, here are some Do's and Don'ts when it comes to dealing with conflict with your wife.

Let us use the LPG cooking gas as our analogy to understand how this can quickly escalate if not well handled. 

Don't light the match

Do not light the match. Hubby will find me seething, everything about my demeanour reading, approach with extreme caution, but what does the son of Adam do? He tentatively lights a match. It does not matter whether he tiptoed or crawled, so long as he lit the match, there is bound to be an explosion. Looking utterly stunned about it does not help matters either. 

"Karimi is mkali, weh!" he tells our mentor couple during one of our meet-ups. "She can just explode."

Lighting a match entails extremely annoying questions like, "Now what have I done? I know you are mad at me, for what now?"

Sometimes it is not directly related to you; maybe it is hormones, or maybe someone else got me upset, and it reminded me of that time nine years ago when you said I looked like a balloon. I was then heavily pregnant with our daughter. Look, I did forgive you, but my memory is still that of an elephant.

Don't pretend that you cannot smell the gas, or rather that you cannot see how furious your wife is. You know, by now, after years together, you can read her mood like a meme. Hubby assumes that I might forget my ire and engage him in a less icy manner by sharing some juicy information. 

"Wah! Out there, everything is on lockdown. There's not even a restaurant open for one to hold a coffee meeting."

At that moment, he might as well be part of the furniture, and I am not drawn to engaging in conversation with chairs.

Don't play expert

Don't rush to playing expert with a leaky gas, the same way that you should not try diffusing a bad situation by saying things like, "Can we just be mature and talk things over?" 

Do approach with caution, of course, and remove everyone from the area, possibly take a walk together. Or make her a mug of her favourite beverage and ask whether you can talk about it over the drink. 

If she cleans the entire house when she is angry, you can pay for her pedicure. Your thoughtful gesture will at least mellow her by the time you finally get to sit down for a chat.

Please switch off the main gas, instead coax her. Now is the worst time to try and win an argument or act defensively. No one will get a medal for proving how right they are and how wrong the other one is.

Remember, no one ever got fat by swallowing their pride. And no, this is not the time to try some romantic touch. She is not in the mood until she can smile and look at you in some way only you know.

Do open all the windows and doors, allow plenty of aeration and only come back if there's no longer a whiff of gas and when you are sure there's no leakage.

Leave all avenues of communication open, whether that means a letter, texting or verbal conversation. She needs to feel heard. This might be all it takes to get you back in her good graces.

Extinguish naked fires but leave. Don't turn off the lights if they are already on, as this can create a spark and cause an explosion. Now is not the time to bring on that issue that you have meant to discuss for a while.

Get help. If we are busy advancing our knowledge at work, what makes you think that you don't need skills training in the marriage relationship?

Karimi is a wife who believes in marriage. [email protected]