What teenage fatherhood taught me about life

Kennedy Osano never imagined that he would be a father at only 17. Having lost his own father when he was only six, he did not even remember what it felt like to feel a father’s love. His mother died when he was nine.

The last born in a family of five grew up under the guardianship of his older brothers. Life took a sudden turn when Kennedy turned 17 and got a girlfriend.

“She was 20 and lived in Dandora Estate in Nairobi, where my uncle I often visited also lived. She was still in high school, though, and our relationship was borne of teenage curiosity. We were both naïve,” Kennedy narrates.

Little did he know the cost of their curiosity. He found out when his pregnant girlfriend came to their school. And just like that, the last born in the family became the first to get a child.

“I was in Form Four, I had nothing, but I decided I was not going to reject my child. I was abnormally excited, although by then, I was not fully aware of what I had gotten myself into nor the responsibilities that awaited me.”

All he knew was that he was looking forward to holding his baby.

“At that age, you are in high school, and you have no idea what you are doing. I was an orphan and depended on someone to pay my school fees. My daughter’s mother was an orphan too, and we did not know what to do.”

Kennedy says that although his brothers were disappointed in him, they became his most unique support system.

“Initially, I was scared of my brothers. Instead of getting good grades, I got a girl, who was older than me, pregnant. I felt I had disappointed them. I was not brought up in a good family setup, but I was determined to be there fully for my daughter. I did not have anything apart from hope. I was not only young but also not financially able to provide anything apart from loving my daughter after she is born, but I remained hopeful.”

A few months later, a princess was born, and they named her Mellisa Levian Lanaya. Mellisa’s mother got married to someone else, but they agreed that he would take full custody of her once Kennedy was financially stable. He took complete control of parenting duties when Mellisa was 10, though she remains in touch with her.

Though he was not a stranger to his daughter, when he started living with her in they had to start learning each other — learning what his daughter liked and vice versa. Looking back, Kennedy would not wish for any other gift than that of watching his now-teenage girl grow into a responsible and humble girl.

To him, fatherhood is a lifetime responsibility with its challenges, sweetness and bitterness, and he is glad to walk through it as a single parent.

Mellisa is now in Form One at Ngara Girls High School, and Kennedy believes he has done his best to set the right foundation for her and impart proper values on her. But it has not been a walk in the park for Kennedy.

“When you are a teenage father, society might not want to associate with you. Parenthood is a lifetime thing. The institutions we are to look for guidance or mentorship actually shuns us first.”

But the fact that he was a father and wanted to give his daughter the best made Kennedy more determined to do everything to give his daughter a better life. After his secondary education in 2009, Kennedy applied for a cleaning job at Diamond Trust Bank, but he had bigger dreams.

He has since risen from a bank messenger to Head of Treasury of CAC international Bank in Djibouti, but he admits that his journey of raising a child as a young single father comes with many challenges.

“Sometimes, when I take my daughter to a movie or just a walk, people look at me suspiciously. I have often been asked to provide proof that she is indeed my daughter, but such does not deter me since I take it as a society that is vigilant enough to take care of its children.”

To Kennedy, fathers should not raise their daughters to get married, but to be the best and thrive even in their absence, whether as a single parent not, but he admits that it comes with many challenges.

“These challenges make parenthood worth it. The joy is when you see your child run into your arms, or cuddled in your lap at night, or just the sheer joy of seeing them bubbly and running around in the house, when she falls, the first time they call you dad.”

Kennedy says that being a single father, especially to a teenage daughter, is challenging and very demanding.

“You cannot afford to slip or take your eye off your child; you must balance between work and raising her, you must balance your time between the office and home, and you must have dinner together.”

Fathers don’t make the best girl talk buddies with their daughters. Without a woman around, a father is at sea, trying to surmount one parenting challenge after another, and you must do that with love but never overcompensate. You must be available even in failures; when she falls, you must be there to hold her hand. The most important thing to a daughter is her father’s assurance, presence and love.

“It is important to talk about the changes in her body, sex life not only sex but safe sex, about school and career. You must also have the right friends; even when dating, one must choose a partner with their daughter in mind. She looks up to you with no mother to complement or correct your mishap. You are her mirror in a world where the internet raises most children.”

Kennedy is grateful that he has good friends around him that have made his parenting a little easier. Mellisa’s mother is in contact with her, but Kennedy retained full custody. He says that looking back; he would not wish for any other gift than that of watching his teenage girl grow into a responsible, humble, hardworking, empathetic, disciplined and successful girl.

“I make sure she grows up knowing that her success is solely in her hand and the world will only elevate her to her platform of success, discipline, empathy, modesty, self-belief and respect for authority, and those who are older than her will keep her on that right path.”

To him, spending time with his daughter involves playing games that allow them to lose and win; he says this is what life is.

“These games prepare her for life, for loss and wins. We cook and solve life’s challenges together. This prepares the young girl for life.”

Despite his busy career, Kennedy makes sure he is in the house in time to have dinner with his daughter and limits the number of guests that come to his house. To him, fatherhood is a lifetime responsibility with its challenges, sweetness and bitterness, and he is glad to walk through it as a single parent.

“She has grown up so fast. Sometimes when people see her in the backseat and no adult woman in the passenger seat, they raise eyebrows.”

Kennedy is grateful that he has managed to juggle work and parenting. He notes that one must have understanding bosses to know that you cannot miss your child’s important school dates.

“A parent must be present in any of their children’s events. It is what single parenthood demands of, and I am never an exception.” He admits that his parenting journey has taught him a lot. “I have learnt to prepare my daughter and teach her about life. My daughter learns from me, and I do that by being open in my losses and in my wins and how I face and handle challenges.”

Being a parent at a young age can be very challenging. Kennedy has to deal with work and, at the same time, handle social pressure from his peers.

“You cannot just bring anybody into your house. This can affect your parenting; the moment you start dating, as it might draw away your attention and your child might end up hating your spouse, it’s a delicate balance.”

But Kennedy admits that he would not raise his daughter without her mother if he had a choice. He believes maternal energy can never be replaced; all you can do is be the father.

“I would have wished to have a complete family, but I do not regret stepping up as it has been one beautiful journey. My daughter is in a good space.” Societal pressure to ‘move on for your child’s sake is not uncommon, and Kennedy got his share of advice (unsolicited) from people.

“There were several voices advising me to move on, including my relatives. People say you have to move on before your child is of a certain age. I have learnt to not react to such statements.” He adds, “The society is still not open to the idea of a single father. They don’t feel that a man can raise his child independently. When I have told people I am a single dad; I am often met with surprised looks. I think we need to accept this idea.”

Whether you are a single father by choice or by circumstance, Kennedy says that you are part of a community that has its unique challenges and demands.

“You will have difficulties, but you will also have the ability to set the tone for your family, creating a strong bond with your children and relying on positive parenting skills to see you through any obstacles,” he says and adds, “The corporate world is brutal and selfish, especially for single parents. Not many people have understanding managers. I have learned to be vocal about the fact that my daughter comes first in my life - not work.” 

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