Can marriage feel like being on the high seas where the waves rage and at times it is like riding the gentle waves of calm waters? How do we still keep on the path of growing healthy marriages?
Recreating your marital dreams could just be the thing you need to make your marriage keep moving towards your set goals this year.
One person said, doing the same thing the same way will yield the same result. And I guess this is where most relationships find themselves. Remembering that relationships are dynamic and require constant innovation, creativity and dreaming will alert us to the need of using our diversity more effectively. Our diversity should not take us on different tangents but rather help bring richness to the relationship. It is as simple as turning your car and going the opposite direction.
Turning from self-focused living to taking notice of your partner will trigger you to love, empathise and desire to support each other. I guess this is where we start the journey of building harmony.
Let me give a few further steps I believe have helped me determine the course of my marriage regardless of the storms, mistakes and missteps we have made.
To begin with, agreeing together that change is necessary and needed is key. This is the one step that is crucial in relationships. Do I see we need to change? Even more critical, “Do I need to change?”
Friend, pointing the finger has cost many marriages dearly. I engineer change from my side and show by example that I am committed to change, this may have a catalytic effect on the relationship. This could be just what the relationship needs to create to pull the other person in. Because there is power in example, choosing good over evil and peace over war speaks volumes.
Do remember, change is only possible where we have paid attention to clarifying the vision. Our vision or dream that brings us together must be the one thing that continues to create hope for a better future rather than despair.
You might be in a place where your reality is clashing with your expectations. It is like a person lost in the middle of the ocean without reference to where their location is. They must keep looking for something familiar that will form a point of reference to recalibrate their direction.
For example, clarifying who you are and what you want to be for unmarried people will help them map out the kind of life they want in marriage.
Vision helps bring us together on what matters in the relationship. Everything works better when a couple know and agree with certainty where their relationship is headed. When we get the dream right it defines a couple’s preferable future and determines what they need to do to realign.
Dreams can and have for many marriages remained unfulfilled expectations and imaginations that none is willing to pay the price towards achieving. If not actualised, dreams create the illusion that marriage never delivers and is not worth fighting for.
When either spouse does their part, it helps tie desired expectations in life to their dream. We must not be the kind of spouse who believes that their spouse should be the one who will give them their dreams. Marital dreams are and must be created together. One great scientist once said, “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to the goal, not to people or objects."
At times, your partner is the last person you desire to see at a particular point in time. However, when we focus on the dream, we will invest into the actualisation even when we do not see signs of change.
Ensuring that your marital dream is clear enough to yourself and your partner enables the two of you to determine and set the plan of achieving the dream.
In a relationship where a couple has a clear and well-defined dream, it adds purposefulness to living and how they do life together. Sadly, many have been left wounded because they wanted quick wins without making investment into the relationship. A relationship is solidified through sacrifices, good communication and forward thinking where either couple uses their love languages effectively.
Pegging a relationship on the secondary issues makes the connection temporary and only based on how long the secondary things last. For example, basing a relationship purely on sex thinking that it will help heal the wounds and solidify the connection is a lie.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Ask yourself, what happens when your partner suddenly is unable to fulfill hers/his obligation due to a sickness of impairment of some kind.
Setting regular reviews will help keep the relationship focused and have the momentum to achieve greatness. This will require relationship partners to provide an environment that promotes self-disclosure and self-evaluation. This enables and makes it easier for your partner to speak into your life without fear or reservation.
Keep in mind, growing meaningful relationships takes investment and time. Great reviews require honest and right judgment. Happy 2021 from all of us.
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