What you need to know:
- Some folly is healthy for a marriage. You have to fall in love with another human being so thoroughly that it hinges on folly.
- You have to be utterly ignorant of the fact that opposites attract and attack.
I watched my very young niece and her equally young husband with their toddler, and a thought came to mind; people should get married in their early twenties for three main reasons; energy, naivety and folly.
In our 20s, we have the energy of a horse and the libido of rabbits or dolphins if that sounds better. We can make babies at the drop of a hat and have the energy to crawl with them around the house, rolling on our backs. We can then spring back to our feet, sprint up the stairs to grab the baby food, come back and spend thirty minutes cajoling baby to eat.
If you are aged above 40, try crawling after a toddler, sprinting up and down a flight of stairs and later on, playing gymnastics with your spouse. Let me know when the medics are done with you.
Hubby and I tried. We took two days off to reconnect, away from the children even though they kept calling to ask mundane questions.
“Will you pay us to clean your room or is that a chore?”
We told them that we were on a date and did not wish to be disturbed unless there was something urgent. It is impossible to ignore a phone call from home when you are a parent, and your child is calling. I would pick the call, feeling a little panicky.
“Mom, can I use your mascara?”
“What are you doing in my bedroom?”
We could hear the nanny in the background, sounding flustered that they had called.
“Don’t disturb your mommy and daddy. They will be back the day after tomorrow.”
Shortly after hanging up, hubby’s phone would ring.
“Dad, we miss you guys. What are you doing?”
Eventually, their questions and airtime ran out, and we got to have our alone time. We soon discovered that it was safer not to try to recreate our younger days. A decade ago, we could hang out in the evening after a long day’s work.
Like you, we used to go out dancing, drinking and get home still energetic and have ample time to tangle and roll around before falling asleep. We would be upbeat in the morning, beat the morning traffic, drop the young one to school, work like a donkey, pick the child from school, bathe and feed them and even manage to go out again.
Age is not just a number. It is a slow, ever so subtle a transformation. Here we were, in a cosy place with soft fluffy pillows and not worrying much about costs because we had taken up an offer for couples.
But, after a brief walking around and chatting, all we wanted was a nice cup of hot chocolate and off to slumberland. The shower before dinner energised us, and we thought we still had it; the energy and stamina.
So after dinner, we came back to the room with the anticipation of honeymooners. And, like first time lovers, it was a fantastic active night. Only the following morning, our bones were aching. If only we could get an energy-boosting injection.
“I think we were over-ambitious,” I warned hubby who looked beat. Mind you, we did not do any dancing or drinking any other substance other than tea. We needed a week to recover after our very active two-day trysts away from our brood and home.
Our naivety has not been dampened by broken trust in our twenties, and we are carefree, trusting and wholly believing in people and ideals. We make awesome mates with our equally naïve partner.
Just do not tell a person in their 40’s about your grand idea of transforming farming in Kenya. They will give you examples of all the people that have been frustrated by cartels in government. We excel at managing expectations.
Some folly is healthy for a marriage. You have to fall in love with another human being so thoroughly that it hinges on folly. You have to be utterly ignorant of the fact that opposites attract and attack. You have to be oblivious of the elements that transform you and your spouse to other individuals you do not recognise. You have to have a zilch idea of the kind of drama that comes with sharing space, including a bed with the opposite gender.
There is never a dull moment as you age together in marriage.
Karimi is a wife who believes in marriage. firstname.lastname@example.org