My life is proof that it’s never too late to start over 

In 2007, Alice Irungu’s husband passed away from complications of a heart ailment he had battled for two years. This was the first of many challenges that would plague her life. 

He had undergone open-heart surgery to repair faulty valves in his heart, but developed complications a few months later.

“My husband was diagnosed with rheumatic heart disease; according to the doctors, he could have had an untreated sore throat in his early years, and the bacteria (streptococcus pyogenes) had slowly travelled down his heart and damaged a valve.”

When he got an open-heart surgery, it was to replace one valve, but the doctors found that there were two, which were replaced with artificial ones. It was a successful procedure, but three months later, his health deteriorated, and before the doctors could figure out what was going on, he passed on.

Alice was left alone with three young children, and she had no option but to get her act together for their sake quickly. 

Before she even settled in the single mother space, cancer came calling.

“I thought the worst was behind us, but in late 2013, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma cancer, a cancer of the lymphatic system,” she says and adds:

“I noticed a huge swelling under the muscle of my neck on my right side. I went to the AAR clinic, and I was told that it would disappear.”

Six months later, she felt another bigger lump that was painless and persistent. She was sent to an Ear Nose and Throat doctor for further investigations, and after undergoing surgery to remove the node and a biopsy was performed, the results came back positive for cancer.

She struggled with fatigue from time to time, which she put down to life’s normal hustle and bustle. 

“My first thought was of my children. I wondered whether I was going to die and what that would mean for them as orphans. I later asked my oncologist, Dr Gladwell Kiarie, the prognosis. I got the courage to research the disease, and the findings were encouraging. Hodgkin’s Lymphoma is a highly treatable disease at all stages.”

Alice and her family agreed to seek treatment in India.

“I got to India on my 40th birthday. They did PET (Positron Emission Tomography) scan and determined the cancer was at stage 2.”

More bad news 

She says that before starting on chemotherapy, the doctors in India warned her that she would not be able to have any more children due to the effects of the cancer treatment. 

“I laughed when they gave me an option of freezing my eggs. I was 40, widowed, with three children and fighting for my life. Getting other children was the least of my worries.” 

Alice was supposed to get four cycles of chemotherapy, and it was recommended that she stay in India for two weeks after the first round so that her response to the treatment could be monitored.

However, her response was so positive that in a week’s time, her doctor did not find it necessary to continue keeping her.

She admits that having cancer was a terrifying time for her, but she found strength in prayers and a community of family and friends who supported her, and she was successfully treated in India spending and at MP Shah spending about Sh1million.

“I got Friday off days from work to go for treatment, and by Monday, I would be back to work. I was teaching English and Literature in a private school in Parklands. After the four cycles of chemo, I went back to India, and another PET scan revealed that the cancer was gone.”

Alice was supposed to travel to India every year for five years to rule out recurrence. 

By the end of 2014, she was in remission and has been cancer-free since then. But bad news awaited her. In 2017, Alice was fired for unknown reasons to her. She relates it to her non –conformist nature, but it was all she could deduce for her and other colleagues who were laid off. 

Alice had planned to visit her sister in the USA before she was fired. In 2017, she went for a vacation in the US, and since she had no job to go back to, she extended her stay. She also knew she did not want to go back to teaching, so the break was a good opportunity for her to figure out some things.

Alice had a lot of free time; when everyone went to work she was just in the house. 

Joys of motherhood 

“I signed into a dating site, eharmony and paid Sh2,500 for membership. Two weeks before I left the US, I connected with my current husband, John Booth. John struck me from both his physical looks and his spirituality. John was 51, and I was 43.”

Alice met John for their first date, and she travelled back to Kenya in August. After she got back from her holiday, she kept in touch with him. 

“Later, I informed my children about meeting someone while I was on vacation. I introduced them on a video call, and they all hit it off immediately. John is very understanding and gentle with the children, and they have always had a great relationship from day one.”

John was to later visit Kenya in December for 12 days.

“My family and friends were very happy and excited for me. I had been widowed for 10 years. My late husband’s family met John when he visited Kenya for the second time, and they all loved him because he is a really decent man. They gave us their blessings.”

John proposed to Alice when she visited him in the US in 2018.

“In 2019, my three children and I relocated to America and John, and I got married a week later. I am happy to say that I conceived two months after our marriage and got a beautiful baby girl only twelve days to my 46th birthday.”

Alice now has four children. Vanessa 22, Ashley 20, Njoroge JP 16 and Taji will be two in February.

She admits that she has received overwhelming support and joy from all those who know her story. 

“My husband had previously never married and had no children, but he had shared with his friends his desire for a family. These friends were very happy when we got married, and they welcomed me with open hands. Many have become like family.”

She notes that she had discussed with John the possibility of not having any more children given her age and medical history. 

“We had agreed that it was a long shot, but we said if God wanted to give us a child, then he would do it, and we left it at that. My husband was happy to raise the three that I had come into the marriage with, and to him, God had already fulfilled his promise of giving him a family.”

Alice and John were surprised when she got pregnant with their fourth child.

Although she says that her pregnancy was largely uneventful, and she had to be on weekly injections of progesterone because all her other babies were born pre-term, everything else was normal.

“We were overjoyed, and I was excited at the prospect of being a mother again. This was my husband’s first biological child, and he was also very excited.”

Alice says that she has always been very close to her children. 

“We continue being close to date. There have been challenges along the way, especially given that at some point, I was parenting three teenagers at the same time.”

The biggest challenge she went through was coping with teenage arguments. 

“They argue about anything and everything under the sky. When we plan something and give them options, everyone comes up with their own ideas, and they can argue about this so spiritedly that sometimes we have to rethink giving them those options.”

She says that John, an introvert who was used to a quiet life by himself, found himself suddenly thrust into this loud life and had to learn to adjust.

Settled down well

John’s life took a dramatic turn within a short time. He says that when he reflects on the changes in his life, from going home to an empty house, he now goes home to a house full of joy, happiness, screaming, crying, and the general busyness for six people’s lives. 

“My children are intelligent and quick-witted. There is never a dull moment around here. It is not always all wit as we enjoy having serious conversations on a wide array of topics. In particular, I enjoy taking drives with my 16-year-old son, who at that age can surprisingly hold really deep and intelligent conversations on a whole range of topics. As an introvert, I am happy that at least one child, Ashley, who is also an introvert, because we can relate on many levels,” says John.

He says that he loves that they plugged into the community quickly and started serving in church almost as soon as they got here. 

“Veritas Christian school was particularly instrumental in settling the children down, especially Ashley, who only had a limited time to get all the required credits for college. Having a child in my fifties was the last thing I expected. I was shocked and amazed by the whole process of childbirth, but at the same time, was grateful for the chance to be there for my wife when our daughter Taji was born.”

JP Njoroge, the couple’s only son, a junior in high school,  says that growing up without his biological dad was not easy as he was too young when he passed away. He does not have a lot of memories of him, but he always wished he was around, especially when he would see other children with their fathers. 

“My stepfather has stepped in as a great dad, and we get along quite well. When we first got here, he would drop my sister Ashley and I at school every morning, and we would always banter and joke all the way to school. When I got my driving permit, he used to take me on long drives over the weekend so I could get the necessary driving hours needed to get a license that would allow me to drive without supervision when I turned fifteen,” says JP.

 He notes that these times that he gets to spend with John has enabled them to bond and get to know each other even better, and we got to bond during these drives.

“My little sister was a welcome surprise. I cannot imagine how life was before she was born. It is like she has always been a part of this family. The highlight of my day is when she hears me come in from school, and she runs towards me, calling my name excitedly with a big smile. I love her to bits. We all do.”

When Alice and her children moved to the US in 2019, her oldest daughter Vanessa had just finished high school a few months before, and Ashley was in Form Three in a day school in Nairobi.

She says that her children have settled down well; they have made new friends and have adjusted well to their new environment.

Their two older daughters now live by themselves, but they see them a lot.

Never Too Late

“The birth of Taji brought a lot of excitement, and all her siblings spoil her silly. Because we do not have the same easy access to nannies here, unlike back home in Kenya, the older children help me with babysitting when I need it.”

Alice is currently in graduate school pursuing a Master’s degree in Gerontology and Public Health at Wichita State University in Kansas. 

She says that her vision is to encourage people.

“I especially have a heart for older women who are looked down upon by society because they are not married or do not have children. I hope to utilise different forums to keep encouraging those who feel like they have lost hope.”

Alice’s story has generated a lot of interest on social media, which compelled her to write a book titled Never Too Late. 

It has not been all rosy for Alice; she has faced a few challenges being in a foreign country with different cultures. She says that communication can be a challenge when people sometimes do not understand her accent. 

“I do have a wonderful community of friends here, and that has made it easier to settle down. I also get to see my sister from time to time because we live in the same State. We get to have a zoom call with my parents and siblings every Monday, and that helps alleviate the homesickness.”

The 47-year-old is currently juggling wife duties, motherhood and school. Alice, the third born in a family of eight children, grew up in Maralal, Samburu County. She hopes her story will show everyone that it is never too late.

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