My girlfriend is in love with me, but I don’t feel the same way

Hi,

I am Kelvin. I have a girlfriend who loves me so much, but I feel like I don’t love her. What should I do? 

Hi,

As I read your question, I was reminded of the many shopkeepers who think they know what you want to buy or people who hawk all kinds of wares in the marketplaces or by the roadside. They think you need what they have. Most times, I have had to pull the window or my car up to maintain some sanity. I have already bought or may not have found what I need. Therefore, I don’t have to spend money on what I will not need as soon as I get to the house. 

We live in an age where many women and men alike try to offer themselves to others in a way as to suggest that you don’t know what you are looking for in life. My concern is how many partners in such relationships continue dancing to such music, which in the end has left many hurt and wounded.

If you really don’t love her, what are you still doing with her? I would suggest that you let her know that you don’t love her. If you don’t, you may waste her time and cause her more significant pain in the future.

If you have already told her or indicated the same in the past, you will do her and yourself a disservice by remaining in the relationship. So, do her and yourself a favour and stop living a lie by ending the relationship. 

He refuses to take responsibility for our child

Hi Philip Kitoto,

I am 22, and I have been in a relationship for three years. I am not married, but we have a baby. He has never taken responsibility for our child, but we still keep in touch. I complain about him not taking responsibility, but his answer is always that I should be patient, but I am tired of his love and lies. He only talks to me once a week. Should I leave him alone? Please advise me.

Hi,

Relationships are about responsible behaviour as it is about love and commitment. I am of the view that a connection where the two involved are committed to each other; they will show it through their choices and actions. Taking responsibility, particularly for him towards the child, is part of establishing ownership.

From where I stand, I visualise a man who lacks in commitment to you and the child. It does not matter how sweetly he may come once in a while to you; there is a need for him to accept responsibility for the baby. Since you are not yet married by keeping your baby, you may need to establish what you want.

His responses already show a man who is using words to intimidate and manipulate you. Align what you want with the needs of the baby and make your case known firmly and fearlessly. When you do, two things could happen: He will finally accept to take responsibility, or he will throw temper tantrums, blame you and then leave.

What you should avoid is being taken advantage of. You already are carrying a heavy burden in raising this baby alone. You do not need him to start lecturing you on patience. 

Just like I have asked in many of my responses to writers in this column, I ask the same of you, “What do you want in life?” If this man does not fit the idea of a man you desired in life, then let him go.

Do remember, we all make mistakes in life. However, the key is not the mistakes we made but the resolve to re-order our lives and focus. If you don’t, he will continue to take advantage of you.

After all, he knows and much as you know, that both of you are not married yet. Many who made mistakes of having a baby without a plan have turned around and made something good with their lives. 

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