My boyfriend is fun but immature in his reasoning, will this work?
The connection a couple has will deepen as the friendship between them deepens.
Hi Kitoto,
I am 30 years, the man I am dating is 26. He loves me deeply and I love him too. My question is, why does he behave so immaturely? He is fun but not mature in his reasoning and presentation. I am embarrassed at times when he accompanies me on serious visits. How do I make him grow up?
Hi,
It is not easy to make a relationship work to the satisfaction of both in the relationship. A mutually beneficial and satisfying relationship takes time and effort. There is also the fact that it is impossible to find a perfect partner.
We all have deficiencies in varying areas depending on how we were raised and exposed. Even later in the relationship or even marriage, it remains work in progress.
So, let’s establish our first principle, relationships do not just happen. As I mentioned, it is a work in progress which requires dedication and hard work. So, such real-life questions like the one you have raised is one faced by many who are in relationships across the globe. What do these questions reveal? Is it about how relationships have lost value, making them not worth getting into?
I agree, fun by itself does not guarantee a satisfying and mutually beneficial relationship. In equal measure, immaturity can frustrate those in a relationship. It is amazing to note that while some are happy in their relationships, others loth the decision they made to enter one. Why is that so?
The question you have raised is the reason. When we fail to question the inconsistencies in the relationship, we are bound to hit a roadblock. I read somewhere that good relationships take two people who truly want to be together and are willing to make sacrifices to make the relationship work.
The point here is, what are you willing to ignore and live with because you can somehow compensate what is missing? Also, is this a lack that will not necessarily damage the quality of the relationship? Do the other core values you see in him surpass this weakness you mention? What do your core friends think about him? Remember, all of us view issues differently.
My second principle is that the amount of effort we place into making a relationship weather the challenges depends on the deep friendship and connection a couple has. Couple synergy, as most people would refer to it is crucial in dealing with conflicting moments in unity, therefore the big issue here is to discover the values that excite you and enrich you in the relationship.
The connection a couple has will deepen as the friendship between them deepens. And as the friendship deepens, they can stand together in both the good and bad times. Dig deeper and reflect, do you want to make him what he is not, or is the weakness so crucial that it is destabilising the relationship?
Did you know that a relationship can leap forward out of a certain weakness depending on the risks both of you are willing to take for one another? We can’t and shouldn’t force change in our spouses, however, we can expose them to environments that spur them to change.
Currently, your friendship with this guy has made you appreciate life differently while at the same time exposing his weakness areas. Instead of seeing his weakness as an enemy, such weakness can add great value to the performance of a relationship if you turn the weakness into milestones to achieve. It is therefore important for a dating couple or one intending to get married to discover each other’s strengths, weakness and potential to grow.
Knowledge of what one is missing should give them the necessary understanding of the strategy to employ to allow change. You may need to put in place certain skills needed to spur change. First, expose yourselves to non-threatening environments where learning that leads to growth occurs. This could include friendship groups or learning groups.
Secondly, you will need to know what is important to start doing or stop doing to enable the relationship to function the way it should. For example, to ease your pressure, is there a need for you to do a cost analysis on the relationship. What is beneficial and what is not?
If the inability to engage to the level you desire will be costly to your relationship, and somehow exposure can’t help, then make a decision on what is of benefit to you. That said, the truth is that no one is perfect.
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