What you need to know:
- Our women desire that we do better.
- Most times, it is because of other men's good deeds that places us on the weighing scale.
Some men were born to make other men look bad. I'm not talking about that agemate of yours who has a six-pack, who, whenever you meet, makes your wife to disapprovingly glare at your "one-pack".
Well, there's that. And there's the other one who does sentimental things for his wife, which makes you look like an uncaring man.
As men, though our better halves may not blatantly tell us, they are always measuring us up against other men. It's woman nature. Our women desire that we do better, and most times, it is because of other men's good deeds that places us on the weighing scale, and we've been found wanting.
Let's say you have this friend called Peter. Peter's good people. He's always posting how he's showering his wife with flowers during anniversaries and random occasions. You made the mistake - or not - of accepting your wife's friend invitation on Facebook. Which means that she has full access to, well, your online life... and the few white lies you occasionally spew.
Your wife knows that Peter and you went to the same high school. You keep regaling her with tales of that male teacher, Mr Kiarie, who kept chipping at your rough edges to mould y'all into perfect diamonds of gentlemen.
"Were you sleeping during Mr Kiarie's Chivalry 101 class?" your wife asks, as she likes Peter's recent post, which, as usual, you breezed past because you knew it was a time bomb.
After the storm has passed, you make a mental note to, one of these fine days, surprise your wife with a gift or random dinner date. But, just like you keep forgetting where you placed that darn sock, you forget about your mental note. Until you get another public "reminder" from Peter.
Don't be too hard on yourself. Not all men can be like Peter. Some of us were born to take the flack for the team.
It's not that you don't care. And it's not that you don't care about the small things or your better half's feelings. It's just that that's not who you really are, and you can't hack it no matter how much you try. Chivalry is not in you, and it can't be, even if a swarm of sentimental bugs bit you and left you for dead.
Smart wives, like some of our moms, have learnt to happily live with such men by concentrating on the good sides of their men. They know - and laugh about - the only time you brought flowers home, when your sloshed self tumbled on a flowerbed, and you staggered home with blackjack all over your clothes.
Flipside is, the best way to earn a wife's brownie points is to do an act that's uncharacteristic of you. Like, for a change, returning home with a real bouquet. Do this long enough, and you'll get the hang of it. Plus, you'll be the one to make other men to look bad.
However, if your wife's the suspicious type, she'll dart questioning looks between you and the bouquet, trying to figure out if you're on the sly, trying to apologise for a misdeed.
I think the best thing with men like Peter is that they are holding some of us to a higher standard.
These brothers and their ilk are also showing women who have been hurt that there are good men out there, and that they should not lose hope of finding love, or redeeming their man in the chivalry game.