Men, don't marry for looks only

A young man wrote asking for my help in hooking him up with a lovely young woman for a relationship, leading to marriage.

‘What’s your preferences?’

‘Light skin, beautiful, medium height,’ he promptly responded.

‘What about character traits?’

‘Attractive, inside and out.’

Sigh.

Because, men are hopelessly visual, this young man was yet to learn that looks are fleeting, not worth banking on, especially for a long-term relationship.

Do not get me wrong. Physical attraction is important, but it should not override other considerations when settling down with a life partner.

To give the young man credit, he added that he was tired of sending fare to potential dates and was therefore looking for a woman who can finance herself to a dating experience. And on this note, menfolk, for the umpteenth time, can you please stop sending fare? If you ask me out to a date and send me fare, I will ‘eat’ it and block you instantly. A fool and his money are quickly parted; it really is that simple.

That aside – someone will dwell on my fare eating but let us move on – women are blessed with the insight of looking past the biceps and firm torso. We will glance of course, but we will only linger when you touch our soul.

A man’s beauty will not hold a woman’s attention for long until and unless he accompanies his looks with making her feel special. We really do not care how pumped up you are, contrary to popular culture. We are drawn by how you treat us, how you make us feel.

For example, the other day, I struggled carrying my shopping up the stairs to my house. My neighbour, unknown to me was watching from the balcony. He came rushing to my aid and helped me carry the box to the house. I have lived here for more than a decade and I had not noticed how handsome my neighbour was, until he made me feel special!

Focus beyond your looks

Women, unlike men, are big on feelings and emotions. Does he make me laugh? I am down for him. Is he good to me, respects and honours me? That makes him the most handsome of them all. I know I fell for Hubby’s big eyes and shy smile, but what really got my knees weak was his dependability, him keeping his word, his sense of responsibility. If we agreed on a date and time, he kept it. Still does keep time, annoyingly so, because he expects the rest of us to be as time conscious as he is.

Young men, even as you pump up your muscles and invade our spaces in the salons trimming your beard and polishing your nails, keep in mind that your looks are only secondary. A woman with a healthy dose of self-love will see past your dashing smile and listen to her heart. She will watch and see how you treat her, not how hot you look, before she decides that she wants to date you, or marry you.

If you are struggling with finding a wife – the Holy book says you must find a wife – focus beyond your looks and on the woman. Learn how to listen to a woman, how to truly pay her attention and on how to demonstrate your commitment to her.

As you focus on your character development, you will be pleasantly surprised about how well you too will see beyond the outer beauty.

I saw a joke about a guy suffering in his marriage and his mother asked him what it was that he had seen in the woman that he had married. He could not bring himself to tell his mother the truth, because he had only seen one thing and one thing only, which starts with a B. I cannot write in full here but you know what it was that he saw and followed.

Anyhow guys, do not complicate this, kindly. On your list of beautiful traits in your potential wife, think long and hard and add such things as, independent, loves to read, a go getter, can share her thoughts about the future of cryptocurrency as she does her mascara.

Karimi is a wife who believes in marriage. [email protected]