Losing my father-in-law: How diabetes robbed us of a wonderful man
Duncan Muinde Muthengi, a real estate entrepreneur who died aged 56 on May 9, 2023.
On May 9, 2023, 56-year-old Duncan Muinde Muthengi breathed his last at the Kenyatta National Hospital, under prime care. His demise was a result of heart complications caused by diabetes that was discovered after he contracted Covid-19 in 2020. His daughter-in-law Patricia Kombo, a Media Council of Kenya employee, details Mr Muinde’s battle with diabetes and later heart disease as a way of mourning the committed family man who was a fan of this newspaper. He was buried in Kitui County on May 20.
When I read about diabetes and heart disease in high school, it was more about cramming the signs and symptoms of the same to enable me to pass my exams.
I never thought that at some point I would interact with them or see their effects on anyone close to me. I always thought it was just a disease caused by the dietary behaviours of an individual and as simple as having the flu. But I think I was wrong. Had I known then, I would have paid more attention and perhaps become a physician.
And although it’s never too late, I have learnt the importance of yearly screening and taking any unusual sensations within the body with the seriousness they deserve.
Spending time with my diabetic father-in-law, Duncan Muinde Muthengi, was an eye-opener to how crucial medical check-ups are. It also taught me about the long-term effects of chronic illnesses like diabetes and how they affect the functioning of all the body’s vital organs.
One thing I have learnt is that nobody prepares you how to mourn someone dear to you. I watched my family break down, others go mute and others resorted to singing mzee’s favourite hymn songs. How do you begin to erase memories of the greatest general, a family man who always made sure everyone was home on any holiday and shared all lunches sitting under a mango tree — which was his favourite spot that later became his final resting place?
Mzee was the greatest family man I have interacted with. Family always was his number one priority. He always wanted us to be united in all situations. He was a good record keeper who challenged me every time he pulled his files to show us anything, from his school life records, the children’s school files with fee payments and results slips well filed. There was no family record that went missing, an attribute that he told us he learnt from his late father. Cleanliness and neatness were close to his heart. He was also ever hardworking in his real estate job. Have you seen a smiling machine? Mzee was one of them, ever smiling even in his sickness.
In 2020, my father-in-law was not spared as the world was panicking and trying to learn how to live with Covid-19. He contracted Covid-19 and was put in isolation. He later recovered and returned to his job at Ndatani Enterprises, a real estate firm.
But contracting Covid led to the discovery of a disease he was not aware of — diabetes. As soon as it was discovered that he was diabetic, he was put on medication.
Even though he came from a family that had a history of diabetes, it never hit him that he might have had it. He was always strong and he ate healthy, keeping off any drugs.
Mzee, as I fondly called him, was okay but sickly once in a while — just with normal sickness that was always managed.
Then in May 2022, he was diagnosed with diabetic nephropathy, a side-effect of diabetes which makes it hard for extra fluids and wastes to get out of the body. This condition made it difficult for him to effectively pass urine. A visit to a urologist confirmed that those were the dangers of diabetes.
Duncan Muinde Muthengi and his daughter-in-law Patricia Kombo.
To us as a family, it was a surprise. We hardly thought that diabetes could be connected to the passing of urine. However, our urologist explained that sometimes diabetes causes some body organs to get older and start mutation. A successful operation was conducted on him and he was fine again.
At this point, diabetes had started to have a toll on his health. The urologist warned that other organs were bound to get affected in the future. After the operation, we relaxed. Little did we know that more harm and dangers were on the way.
His heart was the next victim. According to research, diabetes leads to eye problems, heart attack and stroke because high levels of blood sugar damage blood vessels. It also causes problems with the feet, which often leads to amputation.
Early this year, mzee started complaining of some chest pains and gastritis. Funny enough, he had no cough issues — only occasional chest pains that would attack and then subside.
As a family, we took him to the hospital and he was admitted and treated for gastritis. However, the chest pains persisted. A chest scan would later show a swollen heart and several further scans confirmed our worst fears: the heart was in danger.
But by the time this was discovered, it was a bit late. A lot of damage had already happened to his body.
How do you react to a revelation that your relative has two clots in the heart and that one has killed one channel responsible for transporting nutrients and oxygen? This is how mzee was diagnosed with ischemic heart disease, the weakening of the heart due to receiving less blood. Typically, this reduced blood flow is the result of coronary artery disease, a condition that occurs when your coronary arteries narrow. Ischemic heart disease may also be called cardiac ischemia or ischemic cardiomyopathy.
The second clot was seen on time and was successfully managed, thanks to a cardiologist at the Kenyatta National Hospital. With that, mzee was out of danger. It was a reprieve to our family for we knew he was out of the woods. But that would not be the case because the doctors had prepared us for a possible future cardiac arrest.
After a heart operation to deal with the problems identified, we were referred to a nutritionist because it was important to control mzee’s sugar levels. He was put on a strict diet, which he followed to the letter. There was nothing that bothered us like watching him bear the uncomfortable diet, but as family, we knew all this was for his good. By April, mzee had lost over 10 kilos in a span of one month. But his sugar levels were fine.
But the issues were jumping from one spot to the other. Come mid-April, mzee’s legs started swelling. We visited a cardiologist who explained that mzee had lots of fluid. This, the doctor said, was an indicator that something was wrong with the functioning of his heart. Mzee was given a strict list of the fluids he would take. However, the condition did not improve until the date of his demise.
On that fateful Wednesday May 3, a random check-up visit to his cardiologist, turned into an admission as he complained of increased pulse rate. The family was there from his first day of admission till his last days. All this time we were ever smiling as he always did even when things were not working well, and kept on assuring us that he was going to be discharged
As we mourn, we are grateful and happy to all doctors and physicians, and medical staff that interacted with mzee. At no given point did we feel unattended to, he was given the best medical care and support
As everyone was coming to terms with the demise, my brain was all over the place trying to understand the monster heart disease that robbed my father-in-law, a loving husband, a father, a son, a brother, and a respectable person in society. I began my journey of learning more about the disease. Writing has always been my part of therapy, and I found myself writing about this story, first to mourn decently a man who loved me and loved reading newspapers and always called me to congratulate me when he saw my articles published in the newspapers. Writing his story is my journey to heal and keep his memories close to us.
Second, to share what I have learnt and raise awareness on the disease. So, what is ischemic heart disease and what are the risk factors and what are the signs?
When coronary arteries narrow, they do not supply enough oxygen-rich blood to your heart. It becomes a problem when the heart is required to beat hard, for instance during walking or any exercise.
The decreased flow of blood then causes chest pains and shortness of breath. It may also cause a heart attack.
In the final week before mzee succumbed, he had most signs of ischemic heart disease: he had nausea and vomiting, fatigue, an increased heartbeat, and shortness of breath. His body was generally getting weaker and weaker and, all of a sudden, his blood pressure went down. He kept on holding his chest. There is nothing as sad as watching your loved one struggle to breathe.
According to research, it is difficult to immediately tell if one has ischemic heart disease because the decrease in oxygen supply to the heart may not show any symptoms.
Walking the journey with mzee has taught me the importance of bearing in mind a family’s history with certain diseases and the importance of regular check-ups to avoid finding out about chronic illness when the damage is beyond repair.
I have been looking at the amazing photos we took. He was ever smiling. Sharing his health journey is the best way to mourn him and raise awareness of some illnesses we take for granted and we just treat the symptoms by heading to a chemist to buy medicine without a doctor’s prescription. With lifestyle diseases, a lot of awareness is needed to the young generation to enable them to shift to healthy lifestyles in order to avoid these chronic illnesses at older ages which are currently on the rise.
To be honest, I never thought chest pains would translate to something like a heart attack. How many times do we buy or take painkillers when we feel chest pains? So many times, we take some symptoms for granted, but with mzee, I have learnt that some manifested symptoms could be a signal of a bigger problem than we can imagine. The other lesson I have learnt is that people react differently to medication and any underlying condition is always a threat to medication and should be keenly monitored.
The second crucial lesson that we learnt is that bodies react differently to the same medication and that at no given point should one use another person’s recovery period and mechanism to benchmark their conditions. We were optimistic that mzee would be healed since we had seen and heard of people who conquered, but his body’s response to the medication was slow.
Walking the journey with a sick relative is draining financially and emotionally — especially when you watch them suffer or in pain and there is nothing you can do. I recall that in his final week, he had constant nausea and vomiting. This broke us as a family. His blood pressure drastically dropped and we were watching in dread as medics tried to locate his veins.
What we are left with, is keeping his memories alive. Those who know me understand my passion for environmental conservation and I met a father-in-law who loved growing trees. I remember us planting trees together at home. To keep his memories alive, we purpose to grow 56 trees (mikao) in his memory. They will serve to remind us of a general who bravely fought ischemic heart disease.
It’s always painful to lose someone but as a family, we accept that even death sometimes is a healing process to the person in pain. As we loved and cherished him in life, we will forever cherish his memories in death.
