Letter to the childless man
To the man who can't have children, I pray that the Lord will answer you.
Brother, I'll start by saying this right off the bat; please forgive us for the times we have made insensitive remarks and crass jokes at your expense.
Forgive us for making you feel like less of a man because you are childless. Forgive us for the instances we have questioned your manhood and, at times, lack thereof.
Forgive us for not just impropriety of speech. Actions which, on the surface, seemed well-intentioned yet cut through your heart like a hot knife through butter. Like; when we bragged about our children's lows or highs and, without knowing that we were rubbing salt on your open wound, remarked that only someone with a child knows certain burdens or bliss.
Forgive us for the times in church, after child dedication service - the year in, year out - we have questioned you with our countenance and body language. Forgive us for the times we've implied that your lack of faith is what we withheld God's hands.
We will never know exactly what's going on in your mind. Maybe you keep asking God why it's "hard" for you to do what some men do in a one-night stand with a stranger. I've used the word "hard" because I don't want to say impossible. Impossible would imply locking you out of this wondrous experience of fatherhood. I want to believe there's a miracle - or bundles of bouncing miracles - in store for you.
Living room
We had an art piece of idyllic countryside in our living room wall, with a scattered flock of sheep, a flowing stream and pasture. On the four sides of the piece were different Psalms. The one that's stuck with me to date is: "Children are a gift from the Lord."
As a child, this Psalm was just written on a piece of cardboard. It held, at best, a superficial meaning. But now, as a man, I have discernment. I realise that however children come into our lives - whether biological, adopted or foster - the Lord says they are a gift from Him.
The dictionary defines a gift as a thing given willingly to someone without payment. Yet, for some men, the pursuit of this gift from God has caused grief and drained their life savings. It has caused them endless nights without sleep, as they move from turning and tossing in their beds and fasting and praying for days and nights without end.
To the man who can't have children, I pray that the Lord will answer you. I pray that the Lord will allow you to hold a precious little life in your hands. I pray that you know how it feels to have a baby clasp her soft little fingers in your pinky.
Brother, the years may be going, and you feel like you're running out of time. Your friend's children are getting up in age. Some of your friends are empty-nesters. Life seems so unfair.
But, wait. We are not meant to do time with our children, but do life.
This is what I mean. Some of our old folks had this modus operandi, concerning their children: give birth, educate, fix in a job, vacate. That's doing time. It makes the process feel like prison time. There's a difference between preparing a child for life, and pushing them through a - college, career - conveyor belt with set time limits.
Brother, what I'm trying to say is; if your times are in God's hands, you'll never run out of time. When God gives you children, He will also give you time to do life with them.
If you have the money, seek medical help. Let science intersect with faith. After all, Scripture says that faith without actions is dead.
