Keep your biases in check

 “You make the bed today.” My husband was speechless, looking at me as if I had asked him to bell a wild bull.

“It’s not rocket science,” I added.

“Oh, I will.”

He straightened the bedsheets, held the extreme corners of the duvets and with one ungainly sweep, the bed was done.

“There!”

Gender biases are real, just like ethnic, racial or age biases. Anything that makes you different from me is open to invite a bias. We pick biases for and against each other along the way of life.

The dictionary definition of bias is ‘inclination or prejudice for or against one person or group, especially in a way considered to be unfair.’

Like the bed making, which might seem innocuous, but Hubby automatically assumes and expects that it is my job as a wife to make the bed, every day, all the time, infinitum. I make it way better than he does anyway, after all, doesn’t practice make perfect?

On the other hand, I assume that it is his job to deal with car issues. From experience, the mechanics - who are predominantly male – always overcharge me and often con me. They will charge me for change of plugs, which they did not change, or they will clean the car air filter and charge me as if they fixed a new one. Even the female mechanics will lie to female drivers about car issues. And yes, I know how to change a car tyre, check pressure and oil, but why bother to do it and break an expensive nail while we have 28 million men in Kenya?

 I have nothing personal against the police, but trust me, in the event of an incident or accident, I will only call a man for help. Our traffic police hold monstrous biases against female drivers. They will intimidate us because they know a woman is vulnerable to abuse from a man or an armed person. I have had a police officer find fault with the light tint of my car and issue all sorts of threats when I informed him that the law against tint applied to public service vehicles.

Dangerous prejudices

You know how you can tell that you are biased? When you get surprised or bemused or even shocked to find someone doing something contrary to your belief about them. Like when Hubby took his daughters to the salon the other day. I would have loved to see the look on the hairdresser’s face when she tried to overcharge him for everything. He knew the salon processes, including the average price of hair piece and different styling.

You see, he had learned this the hard way, some years back when our daughters were much younger. I had instructed a wash, light blow dry and styling. When he went to collect them, he was slapped with a bill the size of an intern’s monthly allowance.

“What!” I was shocked when he later told me how much he had paid. When they came home, not only had they grossly overcharged him, but they had damaged both of our girl's hair by chemically straightening it. When I later confronted them, one of them, without thinking said,

“We thought he was a single dad and straightening the girl’s hair would make it easier for him to manage.”

Single mothers

Yes, people also hold biases against a group such as single mothers, fathers, widowed, divorced and the married. Let us not even go into the biases people have against short people. What did we ever do to you, showy tall people?

Prejudices can be dangerous, expensive, and even criminal, within a marriage. Take the case of *Annita who is in an inter-ethnic marriage. Her husband and his side of the family always make extremely prejudiced, offensive, and misinformed comments about her tribe.

“All they see is my tribe, and not me, as a unique individual.” She is considering getting away from her husband and his people, because they are now projecting their biases against her children.

Truth is, we all have biases. They are wild, illogical and largely unfounded. In fact, Wikipedia does not mince words and calls bias a ‘disproportionate weight in favour of or against an idea or thing, usually in a way that is closed-minded, prejudicial, or unfair.’ This is why we should keep those biases in check before they hurt those we love most.

Karimi is a wife who believes in marriage. [email protected]