How to crack the celibate code

I have received several emails from single men who desire to live a life of sexual purity. These brothers want to know how they can crack the celibate code.

I get it. In the hypersexualised world we live in, celibacy is frowned upon. Celibate men are vilified and shamed. Some are called incels (involuntary celibates). This name is given to cast aspersions that celibate brothers are unable to get sexual partners.

“I intend to live a celibate life, but I do not have the tools and skills to carve out this righteous lifestyle,” one brother wrote. “Kindly help out a brother.”

Hey, bros, I don't have it all. I don't know how to do this celibacy thing. But I will give you some rules that, hopefully, can help you crack the celibate code.

Be intentional

Sexual purity is not something that happens by accident. It is not a fluke. It is a lifestyle that a man must be intentional about cultivating.

Being intentional about a celibate life means “keeping it righteous” when everyone else is accumulating bodies. It means repenting of the pain your former lifestyle caused us. It means making hard decisions and sticking by them, regardless.

Live a spiritual life

They say that men are visual creatures. If you are in pursuit of a celibate lifestyle, this default setting will be your greatest undoing. This default setting is lower as it came upon man after the fall.

Which means that, for a man to crack the celibate code, he must go higher. Shut off your physical blinkers and turn on your spiritual senses. As a spiritual man, you will perceive a woman's body differently; it won't be to fulfil your passions, desires and passions, but to honour God in a divinely ordained marriage.

Set little achievable targets

The journey of being celibate for a thousand days starts with one minute. And that's because, in matters of sexual purity, it is often a one minute blunder that can wreck a man's plans and cause him to spin out of control. (My bad, one-minute men!)

Take it one day at a time. Do not concentrate too much on the big picture - for instance, “x” amount of years. Instead take it one day at a time.

Be prepared for temptations

Once you decide to live celibate, temptations will come. And that's good because it shows you are on the righteous path.

You will have temptations like you have never had before. Even women that never gave you the time of day will want to give you a one night stand at the drop of your fedora. That is the nature of such experiences, especially the ones that involve bettering your spiritual man.

Do not succumb. You can overcome temptations. If you have an accountability partner, call them when it seems like the temptations will get the better of you.

Feed your spirit the right food

You are what you eat. The thing with living a celibate life is that, unless you feed your spirit the right food - and I mean nutrients that will nourish your inner man - you will suffer deficiencies.

Set boundaries

Every man knows the things that poison his inner man and causes him to sexually defile himself. It may be porn. Or you are the type that is turned on by some female anatomies. Or it could be some TV programs. Hey, it could even be the crowd you hang out with.

Draw a line in the sand. And stick to your guns.

Reward yourself

If you have set a target that you will be celibate for, say, three years, reward yourself after every 12 months. Take yourself out. Splurge on that pricey oud fragrance you have always desired.

Rewarding yourself will give you the oomph to go on. Rewards remind you that it is worth it, and you are worth it, too.