For men whose marriages died

Heartbroken man

If you're a believer in Jesus Christ, leave all the baggage at His big feet.

Photo credit: Igah | Nation Media Group

What you need to know:

  • Don't be ashamed to cry. Don't listen to folks who say that a grown man ain't supposed to cry. 
  • At such times, one is highly susceptible to health issues. Watch your weight. Watch your mental health. 

"My marriage is dead. Where do I go from here?" 

That's the question a friend recently posed. I don't have all the answers. But I have several tips which, I hope, will help him and others to navigate these treacherous waters. 

Don't revenge

She may have hurt you. She may have left you for dead; physically, financially and emotionally. But never take the law into your own hands. 

In fact, don't even don't even speak vengeance or curses. Instead, bless her.

The best type of revenge is to "upgrade" yourself. And as someone once sagely remarked; "you can't get ahead while you're trying to get even".

Do better

Do a self-evaluation. If you're the one who was in the wrong, do better. If it was her, do better next time round - in your choice for a spouse - because you've now been schooled. Life's a school. Pay attention lest you repeat the same class. 

Sometimes doing better entails being a 2.0 version of your former self, and living happily single with this better version. 

Walk in faith

If you're a believer in Jesus Christ, leave all the baggage at His big feet. After doing this, take the items that Jesus is offering. 

For believers, we know that, in times of great personal distress, there's a batter trade of sorts; "beauty for ashes, strength for fear, and the oil of gladness for mourning".

There's also discernment for deception; power, love and a sound mind for timidity and insanity; renewed wings of a regenerated eagle for chronic fatigue … I mean, Christ's got it all. 

Many of us want to hold onto our baggage. We even return where we'd surrendered them, and claim possession from the Lord. 

Thing is, once you've done the exchange, testify of the items you got from Jesus. That's your new currency. Once you've exchanged currency at a Forex bureau, you can't use the money you left at the bureau, although it's still legal tender. 

Same principle applies. Once you've done the exchange, speak and walk in faith, and your mind will be transformed and renewed.

Cry, baby, cry

Don't be ashamed to cry. That's what tear glands are for. Don't listen to folks who say that a grown man ain't supposed to cry. 

Crying releases pent up emotions, which harnesses the process of healing. 

Forgive and forge forward

Look. God knows that, for humans, it's almost impossible to forgive and forget. He asked you to forgive. That's the only burden He's placed on you. 

Once you've forgiven, go on with your life. Don't flog yourself if, after forgiving, you keep remembering what was done to you, and you think y0ou're a bad person because you're unable to forget. 

Take a break and breather

Don't rebound. Don't jump into another relationship, until you know that you've healed. 
Give yourself as much as you need to heal. In fact, you can give yourself all the time in the world. 

Watch your health

At such times, one is highly susceptible to health issues. Watch your weight. Watch your mental health. 

Hit the gym. Jog. Talk to a counsellor or a trusted friend. Talk to Jesus. 

Don't do this alone. In the garden of Eden, before sin crept in - when heaven was literally on earth - God said that it's not good for man to be alone. Why much more do you need someone now that you're going through hell? 

In pursuit of happiness 

Many men sacrifice their boyhood dreams and passions, for family and marriage. Now's the time to rekindle that fire. Yeah, it's going to be hard, as you only have ashes and solitary dying embers to work with. But you've got life and a second chance to go in pursuit of happiness. 

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