What you need to know:
- Riding on her recent win, Kamala decided to go full throttle in her emasculation of the male species.
- To please her voters, she created a new department in the chama called Women’s Corner.
- Last Thursday, during their weekly meeting, at the usual abandoned cattle dip compound, Kamala invited a woman activist from a non-government organisation to address the group.
Since my Queen won back her chairlady’s seat at the chama, life has become very elephant for the men, yours truly included, in Happy Valley countryside. In the past, I have been suffering marital Siberia alone but of late I know we are many in this cold. As they say, there is security in numbers.
What do you expect when women vote in a hustler?
You see, Queen’s win was momentous and euphoric, which left most women in her grip. They are now planning to divorce themselves from their husbands’ hold in emotional, economic, political and social spheres of life. Granted, in matters of women, Kamala is a mobile encyclopedia.
In matters economics, the chama has grown into a financial whirlwind that is causing unprecedented tsunami in the countryside. As a leading example to be emulated by the women, Kamala’s Slopes Supermarket, speaks for itself. The effect of the chama in many homes in the form of water tanks and poultry projects, is a case study in the emancipation of women.
Politically, Queen, now popularly known as Kamala, has been the chairlady of the chama for ten consecutive years. Her recent renewal of tenure of office in a landslide win has given her the locusstandi to influence the women, both negatively and positively.
Riding on her recent win, Kamala decided to go full throttle in her emasculation of the male species. To please her voters, she created a new department in the chama called Women’s Corner. Last Thursday, during their weekly meeting, at the usual abandoned cattle dip compound, Kamala invited a woman activist from a non-government organisation to address the group.
And since that fateful Thursday, things have not been the same again. Within the last one week, men have felt the power and heat of a woman. As you can expect, seeing that I share a bed with the brains behind the coup, I was the first victim of the new social order. “It is risky to arrive home at night,” I told Kamala. If your memory serves you right, you will remember that she has been arriving at the Palace late and in a Kenya Women Bank’s Toyota RAV 4.
“I arrive at eight, you arrive the following morning, what time is riskier?” Queen asked. “It does not portray a very good picture of a married woman,” I pleaded. “I am not a picture but a living woman,” she quickly answered. I did not require a professor of psychology to tell me that she had been expecting my questions and that she had thoroughly rehearsed her blasting and silencing responses. I knew better than to push further. I shall revisit the issue at an opportune time.
Responsible for the mess
You see, I am directly responsible for the mess I find myself in, and by extension inadvertently put other husbands in. As the caring, loving and supportive husband I am to Queen, I engaged my medulla oblongata at supersonic speed to ensure that she retained her seat. This is despite the fact that deep in the heart of my hearts, I have always felt that the chama is responsible for Queen’s intransigence, a malady she didn’t suffer from when I married her. In fact, I would have wished that Kamala loses, so that she can give me undivided attention but the issue had already gone out of my hands. For the sake of my marital bliss, I decided to take the plunge, hoping that she would pay me back through total loyalty to me and a discount in form of her wifely wiles. To my shock, I have now realised that I am damned if I do and damned if I don’t.
At Happy Valley, the same complaint rent the air. “Someone is inciting our wives against us,” said Kiranja, the bars’ prefect. “What do you expect when women vote in a hustler?” asked Mhesh. Mhesh’s wife was Kamala’s competitor and lost miserably. Mhesh is yet to forgive me for using my political acumen to assist Kamala win the seat. Tell me, what was a loving and supportive husband supposed to do in such a situation?
“How do some men survive in this world?” Mhesh continued, looking at me in pretended sympathy. At that moment, everyone gave their grave accounts in the hands of their changed wives. “Keep your domestic frustrations out of here. Were we there when you married them?” shouted Mrembo, bringing the sorry stories to a sudden pause. Due to our business relationship, Mrembo always comes to my rescue at the hour of need. Now, rumours that rule and reign supreme in the countryside have it that Mrembo and I are a hot item, but get it from me, they are just that, rumours.
That is the predicament that faces the Happy Valley husbands and if the woman activist continues attending the chama meetings, my type had better prepare for hard times ahead. I have heard the story of the legendary Wangu Wa Makeri gain traction at Happy Valley in different humorous versions. If that is the only route the men have, then I can only wish them bon voyage.