What you need to know:
- Many newlyweds do not engage in sex on their wedding night.
- The reasons for failing to engage in intimacy range from excessive after wedding partying, fatigue and falling asleep, and too much time spent opening gifts.
- The trick to getting your wedding night right is articulate planning and communication.
The wedding night is considered a special night. It is the first night a newly wedded couple spends together as husband and wife. It is also the night everyone who witnessed the wedding gladly expects the couple to consummate their marriage. What most people, including prospective couples, do not know is that the wedding night does not always pan out as people imagine.
More couples shunning wedding night sex
Many newlyweds do not engage in sex on their wedding night. For instance, according to a survey on sex and newlyweds conducted by YouGov in the United Kingdom, one in three newlyweds did not consummate their marriage until after their wedding day. Nearly half of those who didn’t engage in sex on their wedding night cited fatigue as the cause. This survey was followed by research by WeddingWire which found only 40 percent of couples had sex on their wedding night. The reasons for failing to engage in intimacy ranged from excessive after wedding partying, fatigue and falling asleep, and too much time spent opening gifts.
According to psychologist Dr. Chris Hart, it is not abnormal for couples to end up so tired that they don’t engage in sex for days after the wedding. “Some don’t remember it, others find it awful, while others get into arguments and end up spending the wedding night in separate rooms!” he says.
A successful wedding night
The trick to getting your wedding night right is articulate planning and communication. That way, you will both have an exciting and passionate secret to look forward to. According to Lou Paget, a relationship coach and author of How to Be a Great Lover, you should discuss your wedding night way ahead of the wedding itself. Don’t be too preoccupied with the wedding day that you forget your wedding night or assume that sex will just happen because that is the natural expectation.
“By talking about it ahead of time, you will be able to decide what and even when your wedding night’s sex is going to be,” she says. For instance, you might find that your wedding night is clogged and you end up partying and entertaining your close friends throughout the night. This will not only leave you drained of all energy to engage in sex but also without adequate time to settle for the dream sex you have been fantasising about.”
Taming your expectations
You may have expectations that your wedding night will give you the most memorable sex you will ever have. Be prepared that the sex may turn out to be mundane, boring, and overly underwhelming. “It should be more about consciously appreciating the whole experience and creating a memory you’ll both cherish for the rest of your life. The wedding night sex you see in Hollywood movies isn’t real life,” says Dr. Hart. In any case, you will have a whole lifetime ahead of you to build on the type of intimacy you experience on your first night together as a couple.
Postponing wedding night sex
Dr. Marty Klein, a certified sex therapist and the author of Beyond Orgasm says if possible, postpone having sex on your wedding night and focus on knowing each other in a deeper way. “Make your first night about getting to know each other’s bodies. Look, touch, and ask questions,” he recommends. Focus on enjoying each other and let intercourse happen when you’re ready. This will give you enough time to calm your emotions, fears, and anxieties. If touching and looking triggers sex, you can have it, ideally with lights on so that you can look at each other.