Is she a toxic woman? How to spot her from afar

What you need to know:

  • The kind of language a woman uses during a date can show you the type of person she is.
  • Your date may try to get you to do things you are unwilling to do by guilt-tripping you.

It may be difficult to decipher a woman’s true character when you first meet. In fact, it is likely that you will not take note of the character of the woman you go out with when you are carried away with her beauty. Sadly, that woman who seems to be your soul mate could end up being toxic and emotionally destructive to you.

How can you spot a toxic woman from afar, and avert that romantic nightmare?

The icy one

Resist the temptation to mistake a cold woman for a ‘unique’ challenge that you want to conquer. Not every icy princess is waiting for a knight to melt her heart. Counseling psychologist Frankline Oyoo says that this type of woman is not just introverted. “She is not cold because she’s shy or waiting for someone to sweep her off her feet. She’s just not easy to win,” he says. For this kind of woman, men exist to please her, to fight over her, and to provide her with undivided attention. Oyoo explains that your advances will be welcome as long as you tickle her fancy, that is until the next better man comes along. “Besides herself, she is unable to love any other person. Her cold nature is not only directed at men, but towards those she regularly interacts with, including other women,” he says. With this type of personality, your dates or relationship will always feel bad, exhausting, and unfulfilling.

The language

The kind of language a woman uses during a date can show you the type of person she is. Psychologist Ken Munyua says you should note how she describes other people, including the waitresses and waiters. “If she has a habit of using bad language on other people, or judging and describing people at face value, chances are that these are the same adjectives she will soon use on you,” he says. Watch out if she is always giving halfhearted compliments, including compliments that have a tinge of negativity in them.


Your date may try to get you to do things you are unwilling to do by guilt-tripping you. For example, they may tell you that you should buy them something or do something for them because you love them. ‘If you really love me, then you should do this for me!’ Oyoo says that this borders on emotional bullying. “It starts with small favours that you have no problem doing. Then bigger and unrealistic favours are demanded, which you fulfill out of guilt. All these favours share the same denominator. You have to do them in order to prove your love or care. If you don’t, then you’re as good as booted,” he says. In addition, watch how she treats you when you make a mistake. “Ask yourself if you are genuinely forgiven when you make a mistake or if you’re forgiven because she thinks you’re stupid. Do your mistakes serve as a benchmark to remind you what a big favour she is doing you by dating you? And do these reminders always end up with a request for a favour that you feel compelled to meet out of guilt?” poses Oyoo.

The controller

Beware if your date exhibits signs of being controlling. Such behavior will be carried into the relationship. This includes a date recommending and ordering the food you should eat without asking you first and making the date all about her. “A toxic person will try to control the conversation. You will not be able to express your interests, passions, and outlook, but they will go on and on about theirs. The date will be all about them and that’s a sign of who they really are,” says Oyoo. In addition, a toxic person will watch you and demand to know where you are, what you’re doing, and who you are with. For example, after a date ends at 9 pm, she may later call to find out what time you got home under the guise of knowing if you arrived safely. ‘Are you sure you got home at 9.30 pm? Didn’t you say your place is a 40 minutes drive from town? And there must have been heavy traffic last night. You’re lying to me! Did you go straight home?’ Be wary if your date asks such questions.


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