Men, here’s how you can avoid the 'oops' babies

Felicia* met Mark* while in her final year of college when he came to visit his little sister, Karen*, who happened to be her best friend. Ever the gentleman, Mark took the girls to lunch and a movie and by the end of the day, Felicia was smitten.

While Karen ended up in Nakuru, working for the then provincial hospital, Karen ended up in a private hospital in Kisumu, where Mark’s company had just relocated him for work. Love rapidly blossomed and a year later, the two were tying the knot in a modest ceremony, witnessed by the families.

The babies came quickly, two babies in two years to be precise. Young Felicia was overwhelmed by the balancing act between motherhood and straight shifts at work. One day, Mark came home in the evening to find Felicia on the living room floor weeping along with the babies and the nanny!

One look at the chaos in his house and his mind was made up. Felicia became a stay-at-home mom from that day on. Mark and Felicia agreed that they wouldn’t have any more children. Further, they agreed that she would stay home and raise the kids while he would work for two. At the end of every month, Mark gave Felicia the equivalent of her monthly salary as a nurse!

Many people found their arrangement hilarious but Mark’s mind was made up. If his wife was going to take the fair share of raising their babies at the expense of her own career growth, the least he could do was to compensate her! She was eligible for a pay increase in line with inflation rates.

For 15 years, this arrangement worked perfectly. The family did well and Mark finally branched off into his own business, relocating the family to Mombasa. Their firstborn was away in high school and the little sister was getting more and more independent. Talk of college abroad was becoming more of a reality as they started looking into the various schools available. 

You would think that Felicia would be looking forward to all the things she would do with her free time. Instead, she started dreading the empty nest. Her subtle hints at consideration for another baby were met with vehement resistance from the other three family members. 

By the time their first was completing high school at seventeen, Felicia’s mind was made up. She paid her gynaecologist a visit and removed her contraceptive device. Six months later, Felicia’s home pregnancy test was positive. She broke the news to an astounded husband and stoically ignored his outbursts. 

Two months later, Mark made peace with the fact that he was going to be a father again. Together, they broke the news to the kids, who looked at them weirdly and moved on with their lives. Their little boy was born on Valentine’s Day and during his dedication, the extended family made fun of the couple with regard to starting all over again!

That November, while at a workshop with Mark, we sat around the bar chatting after dinner. He regaled us with the stories of his family life and how in his 40s, he was learning to change diapers after almost two decades. He was eternally grateful that he did not have to deal with cloth nappies! His fellow men made so much fun of him. 

I asked Mike how many more kids they were planning to have and he visibly blanched. It never crossed his mind once! I kept prodding, asking whether he was sure his wife was back on the contraceptives and it occurred to him that he had no idea. He had never asked. He took it for granted that she would handle her business. It never occurred to him it was his business too.

The gynaecologist in me wouldn’t let it rest and I jokingly warned him that Felicia was probably going to serve him with another surprise sooner rather than later! I had spoken way too soon! That Christmas, Mark called me in a panic! Felicia’s Christmas gift to him was another positive pregnancy test! I couldn’t stop myself from doubling over with laughter! 

A very overwhelmed Mark and his wife called me up for a video consultation after having had a tough conversation amongst themselves. After a lengthy session with regards to contraception, Mark opted to have a vasectomy done. His rationale was that his wife had taken one for the family when it came to bringing the children into the world, it was his turn to reciprocate by closing that chapter forever. 

In a country where statistics regarding uptake of vasectomy are scanty, the attitude towards this safe, one-off, 15-minute procedure remains uninspiring. It is paramount that men realise that though they may not carry the pregnancy, they contribute 50 percent to the little one that is born. It would be a dream to see men also own the responsibility of family size!

Despite the restrictive Covid-19 pandemic season, Mark ensured his vasectomy was done before the baby was born. Felicia was content to have her nest full for another 18 years, Mark was content knowing that in the marathon of filling the earth, his race was concluded

Dr Bosire is an obstetrician/gynaecologist