I've raised my children as a single parent, now I want to get married

sad woman
I was expecting them to be happy once they heard that I have found another love.

What you need to know:

  • Your children may also be resisting your fiancée probably because they may feel less important as they watch your affection grow for an 'outsider'.

Hello Aunt. I'm a single parent with children who are now grown up. I raised them alone and I feel it is my time to marry. When I informed them about my intentions, they became distant and none of them congratulated me. One year ago, I had another relationship which broke up. I felt so devastated and my children gave me a lot of moral support; so I was expecting them to be happy once they heard that I have found another love. My eldest son recently asked me what will happen to my estate and whether my fiancé is just taking  advantage of it and will leave us financially crippled. I don’t know what to do. They have not yet met my man and I'm wondering how I will do it. I need my life aunt. I am lonely.

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To start with, your children, even when they are grown, get attached to being important in your life, and probably this explains why they resent it when someone gets between them and you. However, as you say, you need your life too. The best thing is to approach this issue correctly with them. You introduced your ex-boyfriend to your children but unfortunately the relationship broke up. Your children watched you as you went through the break-up trauma. This may also explain why they would not want another man to come to your life and hurt you again.

You should let kids know when things between you and your man are getting serious. If you decide that your new romance is heading toward marriage, this is the best time to introduce your lover to them. In fact, if you constantly flaunt each new 'friend',  then you devalue the 'right one' when he comes along. You need to give your children plenty of advance notice so that they can prepare themselves and get used to you as a remarried person. They also have to start getting comfortable as part of a blended family.

Your children may also be resisting your fiancée probably because they may feel less important as they watch your affection grow for an 'outsider'. It is therefore wise to make a point of spending time with them alone: it will definitely compensate for their sense of loss. By and large, remember that you need to have an open discussion with your children to address the unconformable issues. The financial issue seems to be of great concern to your kids. I would suggest that you sit down with them and a lawyer. Let them know exactly what they are willing to do in the present as well as assure them that they are legally protected with regards to their future inheritance. 


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