My 18-year battle with heroin addiction

Drugs wasted my life. I lost control and would sleep with any man just for a sachet of cocaine or heroin. Drugs led me to a life of prostitution from the early age of 12. That was the life I lived for 18 years before I joined the Lamu Methadone Clinic, also known as medically assisted therapy (MAT), this year. For a minute of ecstasy, I wasted my childhood, my dreams and my body, and it is not something I am proud of. I am, however, sober now and this is my story:

My name is Khadija Shebwana. I am 30 years old. Born in Mkomani, in Lamu town, I am the third-born in a family of six.

I went to Mkomani Primary School but dropped out in class three because of poverty. Family frustrations and stress forced me to associate myself with bad company, who introduced me to the life of drugs.

I sniffed cocaine and heroin. It reached a point that I couldn’t live without the drugs.

These substances are expensive though they are available and sold secretly on the streets. I struggled a lot to sustain the expensive lifestyle.

I had no job but applied all means, including lying to any of my relatives that I came across, to get money to buy cocaine or heroin.

Most of my family members and friends were unaware of what I was going through in my life, so giving me cash was not an issue for them.

But a time came when they realised that I was abusing substances. They were disappointed.

They tried all means to rescue me from drugs. They took me to counsellors and rehabilitation centres in and outside Lamu in vain. 

Some of my relatives started despising me because of what they considered as bad behavior—  abusing drugs. They refused to associate with me. Those who used to assist me with cash stopped.

Life became unfair for me. I was always broke but there was the need to sort out my addiction problem, whether I liked it or not.

I resorted to theft. I used to steal anything that I came across, whether at home or in neighbours’ compounds, to sell and buy heroin.

This made society become harsh towards me. I used to be chased like a dog by those who spotted me in their compounds and thought I wanted to harm or steal from them.

My own family started shoving me aside. They threw me out. They viewed me as an irresponsible and dangerous person in equal measure. They didn’t want to see me close to them anymore.

I became homeless. I spent most of my nights on abandoned boats in the Indian Ocean or the seafront area of Lamu.

That’s the time I became loose. I would beg for cash from men, especially tourists and visitors. Some would offer me cash in exchange for sex. I was ready.

Some men would even buy me drugs and after I became intoxicated and passed out, they would do things to me. I completely lost my dignity.

I remember some men who would refuse to pay me. Sometimes they would even beat me up before, during or after sex.

I had to learn to take it, I had no other way of earning money. I was often beaten up but I had to learn to get back on the street the next day in order to earn more money to satisfy my desire for cocaine and heroin.

Our traditions in Lamu do not allow women, particularly those from the Muslim religion, to interact with men. For me, I didn’t care.

As a way of getting more cash to buy drugs, I engaged in the tout business for boat operators. I used to scramble for passengers with men, something that I cannot do in my sober state.

Earlier this year, after injecting myself with cocaine for 18 years, I became tired of the lifestyle.

I started feeling pity for myself. The life I lived all those years was nothing but torture.

This is the year I felt I wasn’t normal anymore and I constantly asked myself, why me? Why do I feel this way? I realised I had so many regrets that I now fully credit for pushing me to change my lifestyle.

The challenge, however, was that there was no department in the county at the time to deal directly with drug addicts who wanted to quit.

Luckily enough, the Muslims Education and Welfare Association opened the doors of its first ever Methadone Clinic at King Fahad County Hospital in Lamu town on March 5 this year.

Before the centre’s attendants approached me or others, I decided to seek help at the clinic myself. They accepted, did all the required tests and registered me immediately.

I am now in my sixth month of methadone treatment and I can attest that being on therapy has helped me look at life differently and treat myself with dignity.

The centre has made me realise the worth of my life and motivated me to strive to be clean and sober.

You can imagine the way I would go for months without a shower and it didn’t bother me. The first time I took a proper shower was when I started my methadone treatment in March this year and it felt so refreshing.

I am calling upon my friends still on the streets who are willing to reform to try this treatment. It is possible to change if one chooses to.

In previous years, I was careless and had resigned to fate but thanks to the treatment I am getting, my family is happy again. My brothers and sisters are now getting to see the Khadija they deserve.

With support and encouragement from friends like Raya Fama and her brother Ahmed Famau, I am striving to ensure I totally reform. I want to be a role model to those who haven’t joined the Lamu Methadone Clinic yet.

All in all, let everybody understand that recovering from hard drugs is a process that needs patience and focus. It was tough when I started but it is possible. I am doing well and I hope to go totally clean in the near future.

I encourage my brothers and sisters still in those ‘maeneos’ that it is not late, it is possible and you can overcome your addiction. Don’t let drugs run and ruin your life.

I also appeal to the county and national governments to support recovering drug addicts like us in the journey by providing employment to keep us on course.

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