When children fall victim to the culture of silence, shame
A defilement victim.
What you need to know:
- The preoccupation with sex is evident in TV programmes, adverts and music videos, which means that whether we like it or not, children are exposed to it.
- In the long run, it will serve everybody better if the thick curtain of shame and mystery was lifted off sex.
One of the most eloquent summaries of the culture of silence around sex is a little quote by a three-year-old girl who told her mother walinifanyia tabia mbaya” (they did bad things to me)” in a recent news story. Two boys allegedly defiled her.
Ask any little girl or boy the name for their private parts and they will refer to them by their ridiculous euphemisms like susu, weewee or peepee.
This should stop. These euphemisms exist because sex has always belonged to the unmentionables category, making it impossible to speak about it openly with children.
Even the Kenyan law is complicit in shrouding sex in unnecessary mystery: “Anyone below the age of 12 is incapable of having carnal knowledge.”
Yet the preoccupation with sex is evident in TV programmes, adverts and music videos, which means that whether we like it or not, children are exposed to it. The father of modern psychology, Sigmund Freud, believed that children are sexual beings from the day they are born.
Sexual body parts
Some experts believe that insisting on euphemisms for the vagina and penis introduce shame and mystery to sex. They claim that calling them by their names is the beginning of a difficult but necessary conversation with children.
Prof Catherine Gachutha, a counselling psychologist, contends that the use of coded language about sexual body parts and sex sets children up for problems later in life.
“Adults consider children decent when they use euphemisms and they are rewarded for that. The use of euphemisms denotes that body parts and sexual matters are secretive. Parents who communicate with ease using correct anatomical names instil normalcy in children regarding discussing sexual matters. When such children go through abuse, they have a way of navigating the difficulties because they have the correct language, attitude and knowledge to handle such matters,” she said.
As a parent, I was curious to know at what age Prof Gachutha recommends the subject of sex to be introduced to children and by whom.
Defilement
According to her, the responsibility lies with parents, guardians, nannies and teachers. The talk can begin from as early as two years during toilet training. She also asserts that questions asked by children should be responded to factually and directly.
The three children in the defilement case are victims of the culture of silence around sex.
Prof Gachutha recommends play therapy for the little girl and a candid talk on sex for the boys who might not understand the consequences of their actions.
In the long run, it will serve everybody better if the thick curtain of shame and mystery was lifted off sex. If we don’t, then the troubling and venomous “Tabia Mbaya” headlines will persist.
@FaithOneya; [email protected]
