Plans to crack down on protests set alarm bells ringing

Life in Britain may be looking brighter when it comes to the Covid pandemic, with deaths and hospital admissions finally declining, but other developments are causing serious concern.

High among these is a mammoth piece of legislation, the Police, Crime, Sentencing and Courts Bill, which proposes drastic changes to traditional areas of social behaviour.

In particular, the government is seeking powers to clamp down on public protests.

If passed, new laws would allow the police to impose start and finish times and set noise limits to protest gatherings.

Even just one person with a megaphone could be liable to a fine of £2,500.

The Bill would also make anyone found guilty of damaging memorials liable to imprisonment for 10 years.

This would have applied to a recent incident in Bristol, when anti-racism protesters tore down a statue of a slave trader, Edward Colston.

Other measures would make it illegal for protesters to lock themselves to objects such as railings, vehicles or roads.

Environmental activists have recently adopted a tactic of gluing their hands or fingers to objects to make it difficult for police to remove them.

The government’s plans were met mostly with outrage when they went before the House of Lords last week, suffering a series of defeats in debates which went on into the small hours.

Typical was the reaction of Lord Hain that the Bill was “the biggest threat to the right to dissent and the right to protest in my lifetime.”

Baroness Jones of the Green Party described the government’s plans as “oppressive” and “plain nasty.”

She asked, “How do you think a protest is going to happen without noise?”

The opposition Labour Party called the plans “outrageous”.

The Bill will now go back to the House of Commons for further debate and possible amendment, though the government is expected to fight for its proposals.

The Bill cannot become law until both Houses have agreed the changes and the legislation now faces going back and forth between the Commons and the Lords until agreement is reached.

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Housewives and restaurant chefs must be shedding tears of joy – a revolutionary variety of onion has been developed which won’t make them cry.

Grown in Spain, the Sunion, as it is called, is to go on sale here next Tuesday in the Waitrose chain of stores.

The new onion has been produced through cross-breeding experiments over several decades aimed at reducing the enzyme that causes the tear-releasing compound.

A Waitrose spokesman said the Sunion has a mild flavour that makes it good for salads, but there is a possible drawback from the housewives’ point of view – the miracle onion will sell at £1.50 (Sh233) for a pack of three against 14p (Sh23) for a single regular onion sold loose.

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Some people will express doubts, but as a former cat owner, that is a person owned by cats (in my case William, Oliver and Miss Angelina), I quite believe the story.

Rachael Lawrence, from Braintree in Essex, was on the telephone to her vet when she heard a meow in the background.

Who was that cat? she asked.

A stray, they said.

Rachael mulled it over then called back.

Was the stray black with a white patch on one of its back paws? Indeed, it was, and thus Rachael was reunited with her pet, Barmby, who had gone missing eight months earlier.

Scabby, skinny and missing fur, Barmby was more than happy to be reunited with his owner, or carer if you prefer.

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I know one must be polite to the old folks, but they do make good jokes…

An elderly couple went to dinner at the house of friends, after which the two men got together for a chat.

The visitor mentioned that he and his wife had been to a wonderful restaurant the night before. What was its name? the host asked.

The old man thought and thought, and finally said, “What’s the name of that red flower with thorns that represents true love?”

“A rose,” suggested the host.

“Right,” said the old man.

Then, raising his voice so the women could hear, he called: “Rose, what was the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”

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A hospital patient walked into a pub complete with intravenous drip and tubes running into his veins.

He said, “Give me two pints of beer, four whiskies and three lagers.”

Reluctantly, the barman did so and the man drank the lot. Then he said, “I shouldn’t have done that with what I’ve got.”

“Oh dear,” said the barman, by now terrified. “What have you got?”

“About thirty bob,” the customer said.

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Finally, one for sports fans:

Australian immigration officials are investigating possible breaches of visa regulations by the England team which played there recently. It appears they claimed they were cricketers.

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