Increased funerals and what death teaches us about life

Langata Cemetery

A section of Lang'ata Cemetery in Nairobi on May 25, 2020.

Photo credit: Evans Habil | Nation Media Group

What you need to know:

  • Christians who die away from home may have a memorial service for friends to pay homage.
  • Even if people did not ordinarily visit the home of the deceased during his /her lifetime, on the burial day gates are opened wide.

Almost each passing day, there is a funeral to attend. Death has become commonplace. If you are observant during burials, there are many lessons to learn about the dead and our society.

What are some of these take-aways?

Usually the departed are accorded immense respect irrespective of how they lived.

For example, on the funeral day, a party is dispatched to go bring the dead home.

 At the funeral home, the dead is dressed in fine apparel, similar to Christmas or Sunday best wear.

Boda-boda outriders

Boda-boda outriders are sometimes hired to colour the funeral procession.

Christians who die away from home may have a memorial service for friends to pay homage.

However, Muslims bury on the same day of death or extremely proximate to it.

There is a tradition among many Kenyan communities that a dead body should be brought home to stay their overnight before burial.  This is more-so for elderly people.

Even when the body is brought home on the burial date, it usually spends some time in their family residence.

Burials on some occasions have been postponed so that a house – even a makeshift, symbolic one – is built to receive the deceased.

It is expected he or she must not die a homeless person. If that happened, some communities believe the dead person’s roaming spirit may haunt family, friends and neighbours.

Even if people did not ordinarily visit the home of the deceased during his /her lifetime, on the burial day gates are opened wide.

Death equalises us; the mighty and the lowly. Those who lead secluded lives must accept that in death their home will be “invaded” by all and sundry.

One defining objective of funerals is to intercede to God on behalf of the dead. Apart from the memorial service, other services are held at the funeral home (and many during pre-burial wakes), when the body arrives at the deceased’s home, before it is taken to the funeral site and during the burial itself.

Prayers target the bereaved for consolation and petition to God on behalf of the dead.

Usually all those who attend the funeral of a Muslim are Muslims, together with some non-Muslims.

Complex networks

Although it is estimated that 80 percent of Kenya’s population is Christian, many who attend a Christian’s funeral are non-practising Christians.

The presiding minister thus has a captive audience who don’t ordinarily attend church.

This is prime time for the clergy to evangelise.

The burial experience reveals a web of complex relationships and networks.

Interestingly, family members may find that they are relative strangers to one another.

The youthful family members may not appreciate relationships beyond the nuclear household.

They may be connected through a patriarch or matriarch who has populous progeny.

Among the siblings of the dead, workmates, business associates, chama members, fellow faithful and so on will get a chance to pay tribute to the departed.

Positive competition

Often there is some sort of positive competition regarding who has the most expansive social networks and, therefore, social capital.

It means the person has related and lived well “out there”.

One major challenge in funerals relates to the choice of language of communication.

In most funerals, there are basically two audiences; the local and the non-local. Overwhelmingly, the burial proceedings are in the majority’s local language. However, the ceremony is also conducted in a smattering of English and Kiswahili to accommodate the non-locals.

From the eulogy to the tributes, there is always an attempt to bring out the best of the deceased.

Their positive attributes are generously described as their negative attributes are omitted.

As they eulogise the dead, many people aim to complete conversations they never had with the dead.

Indeed, the master of ceremonies has a difficult time trying to control the tributes segment.

On several occasions, tributes reflect the life history of a deceased who lived decently; whose life is worth emulating.

 However, mourners do not usually take home lessons reflected from a rich lifestyle of the deceased.

Nagging memory

If this happened often, those who attend funerals would be positively influenced, especially the youth.

That way, the life of the dead would give life to the living.

Unfortunately, we tend to leave the good lessons at the funeral site or they become a nagging memory.

In some families, conflict may arise upon death due to marital problems, property issues, paternity considerations and generally succession issues.

 Elders and courts have been deployed to settle such disputes to ensure harmony on the burial day.

Funerals have their happy moments as well.

Some masters of ceremonies are popular because they spice up the occasion with measured humour and laughter.

Even those who offer tribute may introduce light moments.

Also, food and drinks served during funerals are about hospitality on behalf of the departed.

He or she is expected to “cook” for the living.

The final parting with a loved one is usually the most difficult moment at the grave, when the reality of death dawns on family, relatives and friends.

Fresh heartbreak

As the body in the casket – or just the body – descends to its final resting place, death and separation become real.

The pain of death is sharp.

All previous counselling and condoling give way to fresh heartbreak and unceasing tears.

One knows the crowd will soon depart; they must find a way to cope with the numbness occasioned by death.

 Those who believe will return to their Holy Book time and again for solace.

I have seen children rushing to the burial spot to witness the body descend as the presiding clergy intones “soil to soil, dust to dust”.

Inspire and influence

Modern children are not afraid to view the dead; they possibly hope to see what death looks like.

During the burial day and the days after – even in our everyday life – we keep wondering: What is the significance of death and life?

How can we live each day so that when death comes, our life will inspire, influence and impact many?