If Beijing does not auction us, mobile cash lenders will
At the onset of the Covid-19 pandemic, the Central Bank asked mobile money lenders to help the government fight suicide rates by stopping all threatening phone calls to defaulters.
What you need to know:
- The state of our financial security is at its worst. At the onset of the Covid-19 pandemic, the Central Bank asked mobile money lenders to help the government fight suicide rates by stopping all threating phone calls to defaulters.
- The Kenya Revenue Authority also sent Kenyans an e-mail expressing their intention to help the government raise revenue by slapping them with additional taxes.
As Americans were having a taste of their own political medicine this week, Kenyans all over the world were busy tasting power when our flag was finally planted at the United Nations Security Council .
You have to give it to the government for being resilient in pitching for the vote, and humble in the victory.
You would have expected us to start by revisiting our diplomatic ties with Somalia, which kicked out our ambassador in Mogadishu and threatened us with bad things.
Instead, we neither sent them a reminder that we aren’t their age-mates nor mention that we now know people at the UNSC.
The Holy Book teaches us that patience is a virtue, even though it didn’t mention that those who are patient shall be the last to receive the Covid vaccine.
While taking our seat at the global table this week, our ambassador to the UN did promise the world that Kenya will be the watchman of developing nations who have difficulty getting attention at the global table, although he didn’t clarify whether we will be taking turns at the sentry box or the flashlight and gumboots will be ours for keeps.
Nuclear weapons
We are proud to belong in the same club with nations with nuclear weapons even though the only nuclear we take pride in his family.
We hope that as we sit with China on the same UNSC table our ambassador to the UN will not get carried away while exchanging words with them, because if we default on their loans they could kick us out of our home, and other countries might impeach us for being homeless and selling our flag to the highest bidder.
Now that we have secured an international standing among the big boys, we need to focus on other security matters at home — like food security.
Despite corona taking much of our time, those taking photos and sharing them with the Minister for Agriculture are warning that desert locusts have refused to leave our country even after starving them of attention and refusing to like their photos on Instagram.
It means, like our children who have been reading from home the past nine months, locusts have also been busy eating everything they found inside our house.
Fighting locusts
We can now fully focus on fighting locusts now that our children have gone back to school to fight weevils in boiled maize and beans being served at the dining hall.
The state of our financial security is at its worst. At the onset of the Covid-19 pandemic, the Central Bank asked mobile money lenders to help the government fight suicide rates by stopping all threating phone calls to defaulters.
We would like to remind the Central Bank Governor that we are yet to get the money to repay these people, and we shall jump into his coat pocket if that is what it will take to hide from auctioneers.
The Kenya Revenue Authority also sent Kenyans an e-mail expressing their intention to help the government raise revenue by slapping them with additional taxes.
Thankfully, even if they dig out our mobile money records for the Digital Service Tax they will find no online trading going on, because the government already chased businesses from the streets with punitive regulatory frameworks, although some expert lied to them that the businesses went to hide inside our phones.
If they wanted to kill Kenyans, why hide behind taxes when they could just become friends with Covid?
