IEBC must work in silence, leave courts to tennis players 

Four electoral commissioners were sworn in this week, putting to rest the long-drawn debate on what would likely happen first; between the second coming of Jesus and reconstitution of the electoral agency.

It has been a winding road full of flying court papers and landing words of discouragement, with public confidence in the commission communing with rocks at a dredging site. If any Kenyan is stopped at the gates of heaven and asked why they deserve to go in, they would only have to mention the tribulations they’ve gone through at the hands of the Independent Electoral and Boundaries Commission (IEBC); and the Angel in-charge would give them a handkerchief to wipe away their tears.

We take our hats off to Wafula Chebukati and his lean team for putting on a brave face despite being thinly spread on the ground and run over with hot political rollers. For the first time, we have government officials who’d rather die than resign and confirm to Kenyans that there’s no commission there.

By staying put and inviting the kitchen fire to burn them, they have convinced pastoralists currently being scorched by the wilting heat to fight from within their counties, instead of driving their livestock into Nairobi homes to scramble for the little water Nairobi Water Company serves us like prescription drugs.

Now that the IEBC is fully constituted, the 2022 polls will be bigger than the World Cup in Qatar. You just needed to watch the World Cup qualifier this week, in which Harambee Stars played in a manner likely to suggest they support the Ministry of Foreign Affairs in rebuilding diplomatic relations with Uganda, especially after recent handbags caused by a foreign planter of ultramodern fruits.

We thank our football stars for putting their country first and personal glory later. They’ve saved Kenyans the agony of watching state officials offer contradictory statements as they test whether Kenyans have been taking anger management lessons seriously.

Independent agency

We urge the IEBC to get down to work, even when getting up has been proven to yield better results.

Not that they forget quickly, but a reminder is welcome that 2022 is the year children born after President Moi left office will be eligible to vote for the first time.

For a long time, we have persevered as this young lot made fun of our poor political choices, and we’d love to finally see their rich ones next year. It’s the only way they can respect the generation that went to the forest, and not to collect firewood.

The IEBC must ensure this lot doesn’t have an excuse for not registering to vote, even if it means employing cooler methods than a fridge. Give them Wi-Fi and charging ports inside registration centres, and see them posing on social media with their inked fingers and tongues out.

If Parliament refuses to approve your social media budget citing the advanced ages of your team and their experience in using stone tablets, take it as a compliment because if we hadn't had those tablets, Moses would still be stuck in Sinai and our children would only have seen the burning bush on National Geographic.

We hope you remember you’re supposed to be an independent agency, even though we’re aware it’s difficult not to take political sides in this country; because even the teapots in your office are always tempted to cheer on those pushing for tea reforms.

One last thing. We hope you managed to wake up those servers that were sleeping in France and convinced them to come back take up the same job minus travel allowances and fat per-diem. A lot of diaspora Kenyans are willing to do the job at lower pay, because they love the country and would prefer their reward to be in heaven.

The writer comments on topical issues; [email protected]