Futility of the ‘Dotard Coalition’

I don’t like being a naysayer, but – and this is nothing but the truth – I go wherever the facts take me. Let me state the bottom line upfront: Kenya’s political elite is braindead. The folks lining up to take the baton in 2022 from Jubilee’s Uhuru Kenyatta are mired in scandal, washed up, or have the charisma of a doorknob.

 If you were a pretty girl, you would never give them the time of day. I have come to conclude that Kenyans are held hostage by the political elite. We are in the grip of “abusive husbands” who rain blows on us without pause. Today, I focus on the “Dotard Coalition”. I don’t use the word as an insult.

The word “dotard” was famously used by North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un to describe former US President Donald Trump. It’s Old English for a person of advanced age who has lost his mental faculties. I don’t use it in that sense.

Rather, I employ it to describe a political formation that’s bereft of imagination because of an inert brain trust. It’s true the owners of the Dotard Coalition want power, but they can’t tell you why. All they know is that they want to succeed Mr Kenyatta and block DP William Ruto from power. Those aren’t cogent reasons to seek power. It’s like a prince seeking to become the monarch because that’s what he was born to be.

More charisma

Let’s take the tenants of the Dotard Coalition one after the next. I will start with the two most senior members of this concoction. Wiper leader Stephen Kalonzo Musyoka is the most politically senior of the quartet. He’s more astute than Amani’s Musalia Mudavadi. He boasts more charisma than Kanu’s Gideon Moi. And he’s miles ahead of Ford-Kenya’s Moses Wetang’ula, a fellow lawyer. 

Mr Musyoka is a political spouse thrice jilted – PNU’s Mwai Kibaki refused to anoint him successor despite obviously genuflecting to the man from Nyeri, he twice deputised ODM’s Raila Odinga and they came up empty, and on both occasions he’s failed to inherit Mr Odinga. Yet, Mr Musyoka insists he’s destined to perch on State House.

What Mr Musyoka – who’s my friend – has not offered is a compelling reason why he’s the chosen one. His vision for Kenya that’s different simply hasn’t come through. I want to listen, but I haven’t seen it yet. Should he stand atop the Dotard Coalition simply because he’s the most senior and astute of the quartet? Methinks nyet.

If Mr Musyoka wants to be taken seriously, he must tear himself from the mediocre politicians he surrounds himself with and strike out as a national figure with a bold vision. But I think he prefers the people around him because they are a security blanket since he’s afraid of coming out as his own visionary unbeholden to ethnic interests.

Mr Mudavadi is a man with a good heart and a gentlemanly manner. He speaks with good diction, conviction and logic. However, he simply doesn’t connect. I personally think that he could improve his wardrobe. His shirts and jackets are ill-fitting, with sleeves that go way past the knuckles of his hand. A crisper look would give him more charisma to go with his thoughtful delivery.

First among equals

I have no doubt that Mr Mudavadi is the most democratic of the quartet, but he doesn’t demonstrate that he’s ready to be the first among equals. It may be because he was born a prince and therefore isn’t used to hunting for himself. An aggressive opponent could make short work of him.

Kanu chief, Senator Moi, occupies a station all by himself among the four. He’s the only son of a President – one who ruled for a quarter century, no less. You can tell that Mr Moi doesn’t really want to be president; he’s running because others want him to. He should be knocked out on that account.

Lastly, there’s Mr Wetang’ula, an individual with a perpetual sneer and dour look. I still wonder why a person with so little to offer has risen so high in Kenya. But then I am reminded there was ex-president Moi too. Perhaps mediocrity is the coin of the realm in Kenyan politics. I am increasingly convinced that only mediocre people succeed in Kenya.

It’s clear that apart from a compelling reason for its existence, the Dotard Coalition is a work of shoddy and muddled thinking. It’s a solution in search of a question. That solution is two-fold. How to stop Mr Odinga, on the one hand, and Mr Ruto, on the other.

The Dotard Coalition is toiling in futility because it has put the cart before the horse. The question ought to be:  what type of society do we want? How do we get there? Who gets us there? We don’t settle on the leaders first, and then decide on the type of society we want.

That, my readers, is backward.

 @makaumutua.