Quest for happiness and shadows of violence among Africans in the West
It’s dispiriting to see so many African men ensnared in cycles of violence that often culminate in tragedy.
What you need to know:
- Reports of a Kenyan-American soldier who allegedly shot and killed his wife in Texas have not surprised many immigrants in America.
- In January, 2014, a Nigerian reportedly shot dead his wife in Minnesota because he was “tired of being disrespected” by his wife.
It takes a lot of grit to get used to a different environment, new cultures and to adapt, literally in the Darwinian sense, to venture abroad. And yet even there, the soul may not rest. The need to seek a better existence for your loved ones and your head facing both sides like Janus the Greek god — home and abroad — could be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
Life overseas requires a partner with whom you share the same vision: work like a horse, save money with eyes facing home and then, in time, get back home with some capital and spend your old age together, if lucky. Two people may have 40 different views of the same issue that seems simple in ink. The devil is in the detail.
For about two decades, African immigrants in the West have faced numerous challenges, and the statistics in the United States are concerning. It’s dispiriting to see so many African men ensnared in cycles of violence that often culminate in tragedy. Perhaps they could have been avoided, but retrospect is not a subject of history. We may learn from a few cases and try to see how these tides can be stymied before they hit the shore.
Reports of a Kenyan-American soldier who allegedly shot and killed his wife in Texas have not surprised many immigrants in America. Police last month arrested John Gitau, 42, in the suspected murder of Esther Gitau, 37. Sgt Gitau was a decorated veterinary food inspection specialist and her awards include the Army Achievement Medal, Army Good Conduct Medal, National Defence Service Medal and Global War on Terrorism Service Medal.
Heightened marital discord
In January, 2014, a Nigerian reportedly shot dead his wife in Minnesota because he was “tired of being disrespected” by his wife, a registered nurse (RN) whom he had brought from Africa and sponsored through nursing school. The situation became strained as the wife was earning a higher salary, which led to her “coming and going as she pleased without regard for her husband”.
Another did not bother to get a gun. He crept into the bedroom where his wife was sleeping and allegedly struck her head multiple times with a sledgehammer. The wife was also an RN, and her income exceeded that of her husband. The husband felt that his role as the head of the household had been undermined by his wife’s success. It’s a long, winding list and we need not crowd the peroration with such painful anecdotes.
Many couples experience heightened marital discord due to a complex interplay of cultural, economic and psychosocial issues. The first blunder is daring to travel abroad together without a shared vision of how long you intend to stay. One partner may long for a permanent new life, dreaming of endless horizons, while the other simply sees it as a chance to work, save and ultimately return home to live out their days. This is the beginning of the quandary and, sadly, it never seems a great gulf until much later when it engenders insoluble enmity between the lovebirds.
Respect for patriarchal authority
As Africans navigate the western lifestyle, they find themselves grappling with a jarring contrast between their traditional beliefs and the prevailing societal values. Tensions arise as traditional gender roles clash with western ideals of individualism and gender equality, creating frictions that strain marriages. The struggle to reconcile these differing worldviews leaves immigrants feeling isolated and conflicted in their pursuit of stability and happiness.
Many African cultures value respect for patriarchal authority and communal harmony, always encouraging women to embody deference and restraint. In stark contrast, western culture celebrates assertiveness and self-expression. A husband who is accustomed to unchallenged authority finds his wife’s newfound confidence unsettling, misinterpreting it as confrontational rather than recognising it as a natural adaptation to her new society.
Labour laws and educational opportunities also empower women to achieve financial independence, drastically reshaping power dynamics. Men are primarily viewed as providers and their authority is intricately tied to this role. When women begin to earn more, resentment may simmer if men feel their masculinity is challenged. Yet, this cultural shift is liberating for African women, offering them a chance to break free from the chains of cultural bondage.
There’s never any school on just how far these individuals can adjust to the new expectations. The king travels elsewhere without his emperor’s crown. His African queen is carried along without an inkling that preparing food for her husband — a task she innocently took as her undisputed and respectable niche in the marital condition—becomes an unnecessary burden. The queen realises the rights she has against this bumbling fellow she now feels “chained” to are great. She smells the freedom and hearkens to the sweet sound of liberty.