Buses stuck in floodwater at Kware area in Pipeline, Nairobi on May 1, 2024.
The hustler government would love to inform Kenyans that we have received inquiries from victims of raging waters and other natural calamities on why the government is yet to declare the flood a national disaster. While we would be inclined to let the Government Spokesperson babysit this level of ignorance among our voters, we would like to state to the nation as follows.
To begin with, there is need for Kenyans to understand the deeper meaning of a national disaster. Some Kenyans love using big words to scare the hustler government into buying the encyclopaedia of calamities with poor people’s funds when ministries, departments and agencies are cutting down their spending to dredge a new state-of-the-art pavilion which will act as an umbrella for hustlers whenever they visit State House on television.
When we reached out to those who went to school when the rest of us were scrambling and partitioning government largesse to help us define what it means for hustlers to experience a national disaster, these sons and daughters of dynasty were categorical that a national disaster is not a loaf of bread that you can pick from the kiosk and cut into half for those who did vote for us to enjoy the goodness of living under a government they said did not know how to read and write.
National disaster
A national disaster is supposed to be a terrible event, an act of nature which cannot be stopped through human intervention that usually results in extensive damage and deaths. We would like to inform Kenyans that none of these definitions fit the threshold of the current floods meriting our attention for it to be categorised as a natural calamity.
While the floods may be considered terrible, we the hustler government, do not believe it is an act of nature that is beyond human understanding. The Bible says in the Book of 2 Peter 1:20-21: “Knowing this first of all that no prophecy of Scripture comes from someone’s own interpretation. For no prophecy was ever produced by the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.”
Praise God, church. These are words from the Holy Scripture that neither our God-chosen president nor his coterie of State House intercessors said. It is God himself ministering to us.
This is precisely what we meant when we told you to vote for the hustler government. Since Kenya achieved independence, we have never had a president who can read the Bible from the bottom of his head and pray for flood victims from the top of his heart.
The Bible says that because no prophesy has ever been produced from the will of man but men spoke from God as they were carried by the Holy Spirit, there is no way the floods can be an act of nature. This government was elected by God and everything we tell you about God is not beyond our understanding as we speak from the spiritual realm where we came from to defeat the sons and daughters of dynasty who had never touched the cover of a Bible and only made critical policy decisions through evidence-based data.
To prove that the flood waters are nowhere near a natural calamity beyond human understanding, hustler president went to ground zero in Mai Mahiu in poor man’s gumboots and raised his hands to pray for the cessation of hostilities between man and nature. The storm heeded his warning and went back to sleep. Mai Mahiu residents have already picked up their lives from where the deluge left them and are lining up to register for new identity cards that will enable them to return the favour by voting for the people of God in 2027.
A national disaster declaration can only be officially made in the rare cases that a disaster has reached the elastic limit exceeding the response, rescue and recovery capabilities of the government. This is where we stop to pose the critical question; when you look at the hustler government and its leaders, how many of you sincerely think these floods have defeated us?
Criticise the government
As you have already seen from the few hands that have gone up, a majority of Kenyans still believe in the hustler government’s capability to defeat anything that stands in its way regardless of the boulders rolling downhill in their direction any time of day, any hour of night because we don’t take alcohol, unlike our competitors who easily get knocked down by things made from the hands of man in the pretext of saying sorry to their bodies after a hard day’s work of doing nothing but criticise the government.
When we came into office more than one and half years ago, the hustler government ensured that we put prayer and fasting at the heart of government decision-making as a first policy intervention to stop bad omen from visiting our country. Since then, we have gone a step further in mainstreaming prayer as a government policy.
Because of that, the shilling has stopped dancing against the dollar, our Eurobond debt repayment is on point, Kenya will host the African Cup of Nations and Musalia Mudavadi has agreed to fold up his party.
The hustler government wishes to remind Kenyans who have been affected by floods to heed the teachings of our God-chosen president and return to Christ because the Bible says, in a Book that has just escaped my mind: “What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins to grief to bear, what a privilege to carry, everything to God in prayer. Oh what peace we often forfeit, oh what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry, everything to God in prayer.”
